SOUL on PLASTIC



Consider the plastic credit card. Pliable, yet substantial; it can open locked doors - in many ways. It all depends on how you use it.

I'm a user who likes to put unpleasant connotations aside tor the sake of fun. I prefer to look at it this way: I simply love Things!

Things can be beautiful! And Interesting. Inspirational! Educational! Moving, delectable and unavoidable.


And short of pretty young boys playing Frisbees in the park, credit cards can get you anything. Well, nice pretty young boys. Pray, let us be reasonable.

And you ask if happiness takes all major credit cards?
Well, for example, let's take the clear cut cases of Terri and Clothilde; two young women of, shall we say, the spending persuasion.

It is a Saturday and clever career girls put aside their weekly woes on such bright blue fall days as this. We enter their realm as they exit the wonder that is Central Park West and head for Columbus Avenue, another sort of wonder.

The girls are thoughtfully bubbling up a shared cartoon thought-cloud. It's a picture of trees with highly colored leaves, and a vague idea of reddened cheeks to match.

Someone is riding a horse at a canter, and under the trees there's wine, cheese and hearty laughter.
Good cheer and the distinct impression of intelligence and ambition pervades.

This image has come to you through these girls' fevered brows, steaming the dreamlike image above their heads. It was brought to our friends by a combination of movies, magazines and television sponsors who pay good money to make youth and style a happy religion.

The obvious caption to this picture, at least for Clo and Ter is "What will I wear this fall?" This urgent question will now take the form of a quest.

Please remember:

a. What we wear largely determines the kind of day we'll have. You may say no but think; weren't you wearing a great outfit that time you had a really great day? So, you looked, and so, were, great
b. Charging is the best way to buy a great day.

***

Let me warn you, the girls are fuzzy headed with the promise of a new fall (wardrobe) and possibly sundry forms of intoxication. the sharp edges on their hard plastic cards have softened, their horizons expanded. Credit limit is all in the mind.

"Do you think I need makeup Clo?"

"No."

"But I can never buy anything, or the right things if I don't look good."

"You look good. Do I look good?"

"Yeah."

"Good. Let's go to Putumayo!"

The cards virtually throb in their pocketbooks.

The store is refreshing---buttery and bright. It embrace this special pair who are pretty, who know how to dress, who have credit. It dangles dreams and visions, poetically presented.

Wicker mannequins leap, in capes of plaid oilskin and over checkered flannel sheaths over ducks who wear very expensive loafers. Let it rain! Fat brass hooks offer french berets and Scottish tams, long angora mufflers to wrap up your cares in cream, mauve and gray.

Is it fair? It's beautiful! And only cash could mar its panache.

Terri has begun the try-ons. She gets to put on her own little show, complete with Drama (she swivels and runs back to the dressing room) Comedy (back again, same outfit) Tragedy (she won't come out).

But this time, we have Success!

Terri has found some things! She has culled those few bits of fabulousness from the rest and she's down to five items that she simply must have. Now comes Credit Card Miller Time.

Cash would seek to continue the pare down progression to two. Charging says: Take it all! And a scarf to match.

Charging isn't wrong here. After all, these bits have shone like Liberty's torch over other bits which hung like a month old flower arrangement.

And these particles of magic have been exclaimed over by tow salesgirls (salesgirls in boutiques are smart! and pretty!) and three fellow shoppers who went running to find them in their size. Small sizes.

You see, these particles of fashion can really make a difference. These are things that will definitely change the quality of the coming autumn season. If not Terri's life! And she never would have found them if not for charging because; charging makes you try on more! Better odds on finding the magic bits.

Clo is softly nodding, looking a bit misty eyed, even as she smiles warmly at Terri. The population of the store, even people on the street looking in, gaze upon her with something approaching affection. They know she has 'found some things'.

Now, if they saw cash being limply extracted, moist from a change purse the affection might turn to sympathy, even pity. But instead, charging is admired; envied by most.

The treasure's been totaled up and added to her life. She now has the essence of superficial happiness, wrapped up in the tinted, scented tissue and tucked perfectly in the lovely shopping bag.

Yes, you get the bag too! Some are extravagant in material and design. And, everyone on the street will know about the whole thing - just why you have that beatific glow. Paying with plastic never breaks the spell. Maybe stores have different shopping bags when paid with cash.

Terry and Clothilde are viewing themselves in store windows, remarking, 'How adorable are those women in there?'

One can so easily lose oneself in these lush movie sets for commerce and art and - - -The Aesthetics of Privilege.

"God, look at her hair! It's so nice!" says Clothe.

"I know-w!"

Yes, they were fooled by there own reflections but they are not fools, make no mistake. It's only the smartest people who really know how to play. And these girls are Players.

Now so far Clothilde hasn't bought anything, though she surely saw things she liked. A quarter wheel of yellow cheese caught her eye in Zabar's window, and she did almost buy a sweater at Putomayo.

But, is Clo holding back? Surely not! Clothilde is not the kind of downer who would refuse to buy or even, to try...on. that kind of thing can really cut the magic spell of shopping on plastic in half.

Not to be confused with the Lone Charger, Clo was merely pacing herself.

The Lone Charger: Sometimes the massive inspiration of the cards can get confusing. This person can only charge alone. They become easily swayed by enthusiasts, for better sometimes; more often for worse.

"That is Made for you! It is fabulousness personified! Oh if only I had your legs..."

If only she had your card! That kind of thing for the under praised throughout childhood can result in many lost charging dollars, (excuse my coinage - yech.) many hours of return, exchange, exchange, re-buy.

It's a career unto itself, which let me state in capitals: DOES NOT PAY!

It is your card and your bill. Don't listen to onlookers. (Money? Who said anything about money? We pay credit card bills by check, or automatic e-pay: even better! Now please be quiet while the movie is on!)

Of course Clo was so complementary about Terri's purchases, maybe she had some borrowing in mind? But Clo's "Eureka, you've done it girl" is all part of the happy charging experience for Terri.

Yes folks, no money, means no sacrifices. So credit makes you more of a humanitarian! Just charge away those donations to good causes, friends. What goes around comes around.

Around mid-month, usually. But they were wonderful earrings; dyed and molded iguana skin. Clo asks to see them out of the case, to tactually feel their magic. And then try them on.

Clo has a side-parted bob of the thick and slightly wavy variety. She knows, many's the day her hairstyle just begs to have these very earrings. Why should she deny her bob?

So they've charged and possibilities for an Autumn ensemble assemble. With a life-changing meeting to go! Charging kindles the imagination!

On the way to Betsy Johnson cheese is charged, books are bought, pale panties are purchased.

They stop at Nikki and Kelly's for drink, meet Bernadette Peters ...Terri knows her nephew's boyfriend from high school. Charging improves your circle of friends.

On her Felix the Cat blackboard just grabbed at Mythology Clo sends a message across the bar. to everyone's delight. So then the three new friends that they just 'instantly bonded' with want to see the other stuff from the store famed for Fabulousity.

So, out comes the perfect tin Cadillac from the 'Fifties, still in the box, a dragon kite and some truly ingenious rubber stamps. Credit obviously communicates with flair!

But Terri's ex-liver/lover ask her out in a serious way for that night, tells Clo to join them who then says, "What fun! I'll bring Sammy!" They decide to meet later at 'Ernie's'. Charging makes you easygoing.

See Cher in the street. She's wearing the perfect gloves. they'd seen many pairs this day but none like this.

They are so inspired, they actually go up to her and ask her where she'd gotten them. In Paris? Oh well, at least charging makes you bold!

And as the sun settle down upon the Hudson, our girls decide to go home and begin the luxurious process of going through the stuff. Deciding what to keep and what to return - for full credit.

***

more credits for Credit:
1. Charging is smooth, no fumbling for change. Salesclerks are suspicious of cash.

2. Another point on charging's favor: You can put away cash for a rainy day by charging things for others. One day you just get some cash when you least expect it. But don't.

3. When you charge a lot, you say to yourself, "Gee, I must have a lot of money!" Good and positive thinking.

4. When you charge more, they offer you more credit and more cards. That's Progress!

5. Also, you get more mail!

***

The girls are happy. MasterCharge is happy. But where does it all end? Madness? Bankruptcy? No, not at all. They like minimum payment!

Interest you say? I'm not interested.

THE END

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