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Phantasmagoria
Lyndsey Wetzel
United States, Iowa, Des Moines

Words: 275
Access: Public
Comments: 10

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Unskin

I'm sitting on your bed, and whatever you've been sleeping on I think I might've crushed it.
I've shred the roses and the fragerance still lingers and the pieces just sink into the carpet.
You laid me on the ground and traced my outline in a way no one had before, you filled me in the way that color meets light and soul meets body and when I stood back up to examine your work
I saw me in a different way.
You said "I am who you think I am, and you are who I think you are."
But I would never see myself that way. This was a piece of art.
You held the pencil to your lips and smiled elaborately.
In time you finished and your smile faded, the bloom was dying and you rushed it to save what we still had.
You washed your brushes and turned off the light, and on the door you hung a sign that said "Wet Paint".
There's much to explain, stories to exchange that will go well with a few good cups of coffee.
There are reasons, changes, chances to take and above all goodbyes to make--
cause if love was not really there, if what was said and drawn and implied was not really alive, I'd like to apologize for posing for something I shouldn't have.
I never tried to lie, only become the color that you thought I was.
But from the echo of the slam of the door I can tell that now is not the time to discuss what might've died.
So I'll just let myself out, and mind the paint.

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Comments  
InternalThoughts Comment by: InternalThoughts - 2006-12-02 23:16
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You're an utterly amazing writer. I really enjoy your metaphorical style.
JohnnySodoff Comment by: JohnnySodoff - 2006-10-31 10:11
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Wow, this is a beautiful little piece of writing. Your words are great.

You know, in On the Road, Jack Kerouac says that all the prettiest girls are from Des Moines, Iowa. I wonder if that's true to this day.
AJSmith Comment by: AJSmith - 2006-08-31 07:25
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ha. just took the time to read this again as i was recommending poems to a friend. noticed the line 'soul meets body'. would you be a death cab for cutie fan by any chance? :) still good stuff after time
inviscera Comment by: inviscera - 2006-07-12 15:35
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Fascinating write that demands re-reading.

I was intrigued by the line: "laid me on the ground and traced my outline in a way no one had before" - the image I got was of a chalk outline indicating where a body had been found. Not sure if that was your intention or just my morbid streak showing.
AJSmith Comment by: AJSmith - 2006-07-12 03:44
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Exceptionally detailed. I love the details in the first half, from the shredding of the roses to the pencil to his lips.

After reading 2 of your poems now, this sentence is my favourite:-

There are reasons, changes, chances to take and above all goodbyes to make--
cause if love was not really there, if what was said and drawn and implied was not really alive, I'd like to apologize for posing for something I shouldn't have.

This brings together prose and poetry, its construction is confident and its rhythm is perfect. It tells me you understand syntax and grammar and rhythm, the fundamentals of poetry and prose. I really, really wish you would write some short stories. These basically are. If you're interested, look up some of jeffrey eugenides short stories on the net and take the time to read them. You remind me of him slightly when it comes to eye for detail - those little things that build up the whole. If you could fill a short story with little observations, as creatively told as here with this poem, the story itself would become almost second to the quality of the writing.

I shall look forward to reading more of your stuff.
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