Prologue

Everyone has something they have to leave behind'�

The music reverberated in my mind.

And mine is one I'll never forget.

My something was my life. The loss began when I was seven. The nightmare began when I was twelve. I'll never forget those years that I spent in constant fear, constant pain, and constant loss. I'll never forget the years I was dead to the world.

On my seventh birthday, my parents split up. My father went to live in Maine, and my mother and I went to live in Ohio-cold, dreary Ohio. Life was bearable at first. My mother met a man named Jonathan. He was kind, patient, and loved kids. Within the next four years, my mother had four kids, two being twins. Slowly, my mother and Jonathan began to argue, and by the time I turned twelve, they had split up. My mother turned to drugs and alcohol for comfort, leaving my siblings and me to fend for ourselves. Being the oldest, I assumed our mother's old position, caring for the children as if they were my own. Thus began the journey that became a nightmare.



Chapter One-Ayanna

The doorbell screamed for the fifth time. Outside, I heard a gravelly male voice, normally kind, but threatening to my siblings and I.

'Come out now, children. We know that you're home, and we have your mother in custody. We can help you find a home.'�

Arabella, Harmony, and Daylin huddled next to me on the floor under the table: the only spot blind from the door. I held little Emiko in my arms, only five months old.

I had learned long ago that child services were bad: they only served to split us up, sometimes across the country. So now we waited, knowing that eventually they would leave. They had to; it was impossible to sleep out in the hall at night, and by law they couldn't force us to come out. Daylin had fallen asleep, curled up against Harmony, who sagged, also asleep. Arabella had just woken up, and was now asking me when we could get up, her legs hurt.

'Just a little bit now, beautiful. Just a little bit and the people will leave.'�

She sighed, frustrated. Weren't we all? I was thankful that the children were so young, at the same time wishing they were older. With their youth, they could fit in small places, and took what I said for truth. They listened without thinking, knowing that I was the only one that could keep them safe. If they were older though, I wouldn't have to be brave for them. I could cry into their arms whenever Jonathan came buy to get what our mother owed him. When she wasn't here, or couldn't give him any money, he took it from us.

The voices mumbled outside the door, and a woman started to call out to us. 'Come on out, kids. We can give you a nice big meal and then we can talk about what to do with you.'�

There she goes, talking about us as if we were a precious oil painting, not knowing whether to hang it up in the hallway or to hide it away from the family, out of harms way but never to be admired.

'We can talk over lunch now. Doesn't that sound nice?'�

That did sound nice, but I'd never admit it. The last thing we'd eaten was old, leftover macaroni and cheese from last weekend. Arabella picked up at the suggestion of food. However she merely clasped her hands around her legs and closed her eyes, licking her lips. She had more self-control than most adults; more than she should have to have.
'Arabella, I'm proud of you,'� I told her, completely honest. She looked up at me with her innocent eyes, ignoring the violent growls that came from both of our stomachs. We remained how we were until seven o' clock that night. We drifted in and out of sleep, waking at last to the absence of the case-workers. Unfolding ourselves, we resumed the shells of lives we had. I lay Emiko in her crib and tucked the twins into bed. Arabella crawled into bed next to me and we slept; a restless, unsatisfying sleep that barely quenched our overwhelming exhaustion.




Chapter 2-Arabella

The bad people came for me and my brother and sisters. When they came, we sat under the table and Ayanna held Emiko. Harmony and Daylin fell asleep against each other, and I went to sleep on Ayanna. The bad people went away after a long time, and then we could move.

I asked Ayanna why we couldn't go with the bad people. They had food, and we were hungry. She said that they had bad food, and that they would take me away from her. I don't want to go away from Ayanna. She's almost my mommy.

Our real mommy left us to go away. I don't know why though. Ayanna said that she loves us, but she couldn't stay because she was sick. I think she left because Daylin had an accident in his pants again. I don't say that though, because Daylin's only two, and he would cry.

The next night, we left. Arabella said that we were going to sleep under the stars, like camping. I didn't want to, but I couldn't argue. I think she was sad too, because she wanted to sleep in bed. Emiko cried and cried. She wouldn't sleep. Ayanna said that she was hungry, but so was I, and I didn't cry. Ayanna said that Emiko didn't know not to cry because she was still a baby. After a long time, a policeman told us that we were supposed to be in bed, and Ayanna said that we lived at a house that we really didn't. The policeman walked us up to that house, and nobody was home. We went in anyway, and Ayanna found food for Emiko and me and the twins. She didn't eat though because she said she wasn't hungry, but I think she really was. Whenever we didn't have a lot of food, she said she wasn't hungry.

I don't like to sleep outside. I got a lot of mosquito bites, and they itched. Ayanna told me not to scratch them, but I did when she wasn't looking.

In the morning, we walked to the park, and Ayanna let us play for the whole day. We had fun, but Emiko cried a lot again and we were hungry.

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