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timeakinga
Timea Kinga Szűcs
Romania, Timisoara

Words: 241
Access: Public
Comments: 4

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First step

How should I start this?
What do you want me say?
What do you expect?
you're the expert,
so tell me everything;
I'm eager to learn,
to find out things I never knew;
things that are only known by few.

So I begin,
hear me complain:
you don't trust me,
you're never there when you should be,
it's always the same,
and we're always playing the same game:
we argue, then we make-up
I laugh, I cry'¦ then we break-up,
and this goes on since the day we met.
We were a nice couple, but don't you think:
now we should find our own way back?
Maybe this isn't the best way to let you know
but I want to be on my own, so... go!

I really thought this will be hard
but it's like walking on a boulevard
and you stop in front of a semaphore waiting to turn green
right when you're late,
and in front is still the red screen,
then soon as you take your first step to your destination
you get rid off frustration
and you have a strange sensation.
My light was red for long,
I wanted to be alone, I felt something was wrong.
You might see this as another attempt to separate,
but this time's for good!
If I could cause less pain, I would!
But after all, I learned my lesson well
I have to move on, so this is farewell!

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Comments  
Comment by: - 2006-06-20 13:08
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I love your voice in this Timi, it's getting stronger and stronger. I think maybe the last stanza could do with a little re work or slight edit to simplify. I like the way you are heading here, keep up the good work.
RoadPoet Comment by: RoadPoet - 2006-06-20 12:28
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Got a good rhythm going on in this piece! Amost like the piece is a method to travel away from pain. A few of the lines can be cut for effect, but I need to think about that and as always will get back to you pal. Overall the meaning and rhythm is there. Thanks mate.
lofty Comment by: lofty - 2006-06-18 15:12
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really liked this,,loved the rhyme loved it all.
MaggieMay Comment by: MaggieMay - 2006-06-17 14:45
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i like the line of questioning to start out, it really set the theme up.The rhymepattern was great though it was a little bit wordy for the meter in some spots int he later stanza.

good write over all, i enjoyed this one. thanks
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