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Dudethissucks
Brandon Bandito
Canada, At school in our nation's capital.

Words: 175
Access: Public
Comments: 2

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Coming this Fall

That fired fickled autumned feeling,
Did come upon my heart betrothed.
Announcing, "Come to me lad and Ill go away,
and shant bother you with more."

"I say a little gasp is not a scream.
A tiny flake does not bring fall.
Your leaves will not turn, or flower falter.
Feel the grass between your toes."

Fired feeling with you I went,
That hand of yours warmed with sweat.
"I can't do that." i said to it.
Nor will i have a place to sit.

Budding putridness of the heart,
Traitor to those things of the soul.
You lead me and I followed thee,
Now I am ash brought from death.

It's useless to hide from him now,
Like those before with fierce guilt.
Because now my heart is unto like steel,
and with it shame's arrow cannot pierce.

Despair knocks now,
I should be so kind as to let him in.
he will catch his death outside.
I'll let him in to sit a spell,
and see what things he to me doth tell.

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Comments  
Dudethissucks Comment by: Dudethissucks - 2007-01-21 10:52
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i decided i don't like this one. too angsty, the only reason that i leave it on is because i'm damn lazy. and i suppopse it's impossible to be a true "writer wannabe" without at least one angst ridden, emo-ish piece of personal turmoil trash.
PANDORA Comment by: PANDORA - 2006-06-19 20:33
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Different, I like that. The last stanza is my favorite. The way you make despair seem like a person who has a tale to tell and not some feeling unfaced, is very creative. As you can tell I am not one for critiques unless something screams out at me, I leave that up to people who write much better then me. I think most will say this was written well though.
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By Dudethissucks

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