'I've never been a gambling man. You do understand that don't you?'� I just nodded my head.

'You see, I'm a respected man, and you, well you're a respected fighter. This means we have a beautiful business relationship right here.'� I just nodded again, ironin how he'd call me respected. He handed me a brown envelope.

'Tonight you retire. In the fifth round you hit the canvas, understood?'� I nodded my head once again but looked at the floor this time.

'You do understand me don't you?'� He repeated.

'Yes'� I uttered. I half wanted to smile. He had a face that could move mountains.

'Good. I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to you now would I?'� he said raising his eyebrow and glancing across at me.

He stood up and walked out of the door. I sighed and leant against the sink. The water felt cool against my face and as always I let it dry on my skin as I peered into the mirror. This wasn't such a hard thing to do. And it's not like it was the wrong thing to do was it? Was it? After all, he'd given me more money tonight than I would ever make in my career. I wasn't going to let my conscience defeat me. I'm a good man!

'John, its time to go.'� The trainer pushed his face around the door. I'm sure he knew who'd visited me as he hadn't bothered finishing our warm ups. After all, there was no need to.

'I'll be right out!'� I replied and stared into the mirror for the last time. I felt so numb, something you shouldn't be doing before a big fight like tonight but this was different altogether. My mind felt numb. I pulled my golden robe over my head and walked along the corridor alone. The cold floor echoed with each footstep I took and the shadows on the walls moved across the hallway as the headlights from the cars shone in from outside. My trainers had left me. Did they all know of my deceit? As I got closer to ringside I could hear the cheers and the music for the other man. He'd come out to fight tonight, and I already new the outcome, in a strange way I felt happy for him. He deserved it now anyway. I stood by the doors and lent on the wall waiting for the announcer to introduce me. I half expected him not to and let me walk in and throw myself onto the ground.

Suddenly the announcers voice broke into my thoughts: 'All the way from Manchester, the undefeated champion, the man himself, Sid Vengeance! Lets give it up!'� he spouted. Vengeance I thought, pushing through the doors, what a stupid name.

Flashes began to crack around the arena, two men came and ushered me along the crowd. The fans cheered and photographers lent across the barriers to push their probing cameras into my face. Most fighters would love this. Hell I love this but not tonight. I could see the captions that would accompany these images and I felt a small sting in my heart.

I jumped into the ring and it felt right to at least make it look like I wanted to be there so I raised my hands and punched the air. I jumped onto the ropes a few times and touched gloves with my opponent before sitting down in my corner. My trainers were there and they began to talk shop.

'Keep him at a distant and use your height to your advantage.'� One said.

'Wait for that gap and then catch him with your right, remember to work those combos'� Another urged. Did they not know of my pay off after all? It didn't seem like it now, they'd shown up and they were encouraging me as usual. I felt a rush of relief in my soul. This should have been an easy match by all means; the boy I'm fighting is half my size and has little experience compared to my six years in the ring. Two of them as champion as well! But that is just confidence I do not need.

Gum shield in and more water splashed on my face, at this point I should have been ready to kill this man but tonight I felt like I couldn't lift my arms. I stepped forward and touched gloves with him once again and then the bell rang out. I raised my hands as the kid chipped away at my gloves. I hated where I was, it was a place I'd never been before. The kid landed a clean left blow to my chin, which shook the blood in my nose and left my sinuses tingling. I raised my left arm but again he caught my eye and pushed me backwards. The crowd roared at his precision attacks. I was doing the right thing. But the thing is I didn't have to take these punches did I? I could have easily defended myself and still gone down in the fifth round but I didn't. The bell sounded out and I returned to my corner. What the hell is wrong with me?

'What the hell is wrong with you?'� Barked my trainers from all directions whilst cooling the cut above my eye.
'You know you shouldn't be taking injuries like this in the first round! Get out there and fight like you know you can, this kid has nothing on you!'� I knew he was right but still, he didn't understand, he didn't know what I did. The bell sounded once more. I strafed left and right and he came forward jabbing with precision as one could only expect. As I ducked I remembered the life I once wanted long ago. The one I gave up on for a chance of wealth and a half shot at celebrity. As I rose I wasn't even focused on my opponent and sure enough he caught me on the chin with a destructive uppercut. My eyes rushed red and I fell back into the ropes. Twice more came the sting of his gloves crashing into my face. I slumped onto the ground to save myself.
I stared down at the pool of blood dripping from my mouth. Glorious dark red, maroon shading in the centre. I wiped it from my chin.

'One'� Called the Referee. 'Two'� the count kept coming, I stood up. I had to be careful not to let that happen again or I'd be out of the fight much sooner than I'd hoped. I walked into centre ring and put up my gloves once again. The referee moved aside and the attack came once again but this time I managed to keep his fists behind my gloves. The bell came once again. He touched my shoulder and nodded to me on the way to his corner. His confidence was growing. I wasn't surprised.

In the corner similar things came up but all I could think about was my situation and how messed up I was. If I had just followed my dreams I would never have been here. Never have had to experience this. Suddenly the money seemed so worthless. My desire for money and fame had led me away from the thing id most wanted to do and instead here I stood in a ring of blood and barbaric aggression. The bell called for me, a sound all too familiar now. I sat still, caught up in my thoughts.

'What the hell are you doing?'� Screamed my trainer. 'Get up!'� I stood up only to be knocked back against the corner. The referee held the man back as I got my footing and raised my gloves. The crowd had gone partly silent and the others were just booing and shouting. I guessed it was aimed at me but I couldn't hear their taunts. I stared into the kid's eyes; he looked bemused, and looked at me as if waiting for an answer. He lunged forward and we ended up holding each other.

'Why won't you fight?'� he whispered in my ear. 'Fight me!'� he insisted and pushed me away. I couldn't believe this. In the middle of this fight I was caught trying to please not only my pay off but also my opponent who was becoming angry with my saddening recluse. Not to mention the moral struggle I'd found within myself. He came in with a right hook and it came to me to hit him this time so I ducked in and punched him in the stomach winding him. At least that would make him happy for this round at least. I looked into the crowd to see my new boss showing a sign of disapproval. He should have made it the third round and not the fifth for Christ's sake!

'Thank God!'� I proclaimed as the bell sounded once again. I returned to my corner.

'Well done! That last punch was what I wanted to see!'� They rejoiced. 'You've hurt him now, see how he's holding himself?'� I could. And I felt sorry for him. He was caught up in a sport he'd not come out to play. A sport with rotten rules and difficult decisions, a selfish sport.

I felt sick.

Only one more round to go and then it would all be over. As the chime rang out for the fourth round I jumped to my feet. I paced around the ring, thoughts racing through my mind. Tonight for the first time I'd not enjoyed this sport I once loved. I longed to be able to go back and pick up my pen where I left it. I wanted to be a writer and nobody knew. I found it ironic how I had such wonderful imagery and ideas in my head but instead I washed them away in this arena losing a part of my gift every time I landed a blow into my victims body. Every time I stepped out onto this canvas I took one step further away from the paper. Why did I let my greed take over? It's too late now; imagery won't save me in this fight. I smiled at my encircling opponent to which he crumpled his brow in confusion and disapproval at my disorder. I wandered what he'd think if he could see what I was thinking. In the middle of our fight. We exchanged a few blows; I never touched him more than twice. The bell rang out again in this penultimate round. He shook his head.

'Keep it together now! Your down on points so you'll have to start looking for the knockout if you want to win this! Just look for that gap, your messing about out there! Pull yourself together!'� they urged. But I didn't care, I hardly even heard them. I knew what I had to do. The bell rang out for my final round but I heard an Angel sing a melodic chorus that soothed my aching soul. Someone in my corner pushed me forwards. I just closed my eyes and listened to the sounds of the night and breathed in the smells of the warm summer breeze. I pictured my life as a blank canvas once again and saw that with words I could take myself anywhere I pleased. I didn't need the money, or the fame. As the last blow lifted me into the heavens I floated away only to crash down onto the ground once again. The lights were a haze and blood trickled into my eyes. The crowd roared with applause. The victor took his place and the onslaught was over. For once I felt what true pride felt like, and it felt good.

The light filtered into my mind and I simply smiled, this is where I wanted to be, leave me be, leave me be.

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