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Cursory
Cursory
United Kingdom

Words: 93
Access: Public
Comments: 7

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Grief

The priests words,
in the distance,
I hear him speak,
yet I wish not to.

My eyes glazed over,
slowly filling with tears,
I think of the memories,
we've had through the years.

I cannot fight,
the emotions do dwell,
I feel you are leaving me,
as my eyes start to swell.

I feel angry yet sad,
as the box disappears,
all around me is the family,
wiping their tears.

Your here yet your not,
I dont want you to go,
as I realise your gone,
I wish I knew you more so.

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Comments  
Min Comment by: Min - 2006-06-26 12:53
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I like the way you write. You use your way of speaking and it's very natural.
Please check the last verse there are apostrophes missing,
Comment by: - 2006-06-24 17:48
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I think it's fantastic I think writing poems is an excellent way to express yourself and you've done exactly that in this powerful and very moving poem :) Well done hehe
PANDORA Comment by: PANDORA - 2006-06-22 16:06
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It is a feeling of both sadness and anger when someone dies, described in clarity with this poem. I commend you for sharing such feelings with others. **
Cursory Comment by: Cursory - 2006-06-21 15:02
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Thanks for you comments,
Mitch I don't think you realised what i meant by the poem. Although the Critism is very constructive and helpful, The poem was about losing a loved one that perhaps you didnt get to know very well. Also this poem I made to rhyme so with some of the suggestions may not work. Try reading it again for me and if you can think of a better way to make it rhyme, I'll be very grateful for the suggestions :)
Comment by: - 2006-06-21 12:22
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Verse 1:
"Yet i wish not to" -" Yet i wish he not"
Verse 2:
"My eyes glazed over"- "Eyes glazed over"
"Slowly filling with tears"-"Fill slowly with tears"
"We've had through the years"- "Togther we shared"
Verse 3:
The emotions do dwell- Emotions do dwell.
"I feel you are leaving me"- "You are leaving me"
"As my eyes start to swell"- "And my eyes start to swell"
Verse 4:(Needs much toughing up and tightining)
Verse 5:
Your here yet your not- Here yet so distant
i don't want you to go- I beg you don't leave
as i realise your gone- But you are already gone
i wish i knew you so more- I wish i was inside your mind.

Juast some suggestions etc to help and emotion and impact and tighten it up a bit more. : D
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By Cursory

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