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Violence
Feeling scared,
With No self-respect,
As I start to feel stronger,
He'll start to detect,
I start to fight back,
To no avail,
He'll put me back in place,
So shaken and frail,
I try and break the chains,
And walls he built for me,
I do love him,
Love he can't see,
He wanted to say I love you,
But it wasnt to be,
Because its too late now,
I'm dead, I'm free
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Comment by: - 2006-06-26 10:42
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| Ah; abuse, violence, brings back so many memories of my childhood. This poem caught my attention pretty quickly. I did rather enjoy it. Though I came out of a VERY depressed state, I can still relate to this poem. Your writing is lovely. Keep up the good work. |
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I LOVE the end of this. Love it.
Nitpicks:
"wasnt" and "its" are contractions = they need apostrophes ("wasn't" and "it's", respectively)
You might rethink a few of the commas, esp. after line 5, as it breaks the rhythm of the piece.
And don't write about "happiness" if that's not what comes to mind. Respect your muse. Write what's in your head, no matter how disturbing it may seem. Take a look at some of my work -- not all of it is sunshine and roses (though some of it does involve dandelions). |
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Comment by: - 2006-06-24 19:06
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| I think its really good especially the end, its so powerful. Very good indeed :D |
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Comment by: Cursory - 2006-06-22 07:37
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| Hee hee, you were right yes, it is about abuse. I seem to be writing more about depressing subjects than happy-go-lucky. Perhaps I should start trying to right about whatever brings people happiness. Dont know if that would work though. Thanks for the boost in your comment, much appreciated. |
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Comment by: PANDORA - 2006-06-22 07:28
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| This reads like a story of abuse, probably wrong, but that was the first thing that came to my mind while reading this. I like how you left "i love you", unsaid. A strong emotional poem, and the ending is sad but sometimes true. **--ok read title (have not had enough coffee yet), I now realize I was right in my feeling of abuse in the poem. I really should not comment until I have had at least three cups of coffee =) |
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