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Getting Stronger
Don't go, stay.
I wish not to be alone,
to dwell on these thoughts
you've fix in my mind.
Why tell me I'm in the wrong?
Why put me down?
What warmth do you get,
from making me suffer?
Fine, go.
I don't need you now,
I can cope without you
standing over me...
I'm stronger than you'll ever know.
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Comment by: - 2006-06-26 10:33
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| Strength is found inside. This poem goes to show that we can be strong when alone. I really like it. I find it empowering. Thank you for the great read. Keep up the good work. =) |
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Comment by: PANDORA - 2006-06-24 06:50
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| "I'm stronger then you'll ever know."--It feels really good to say that, I bet. Even if not totally believed, over time if you say it enough, you will feel stronger. I like how the poem starts out insecure and by the end is very powerful. ** |
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Comment by: Teri - 2006-06-23 14:24
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Okay, Sarah, want to tell me why on EARTH you think you need help writing poetry? The rhythm of this is wonderful! I absolutely adore the succinct way you show here and your ability to say what you feel in few words - yet not word is wasted or without emotion attached.
Few corrections/suggestions:
I'd put a full stop at the end of the first line.
No comma at the end of the third line, and I'd remove the word "that" from the fourth line.
I'd capitalize the "Why" in the second line, second stanza.
No comma at the end of the third line, second stanza.
Full stop on second line, third stanza.
No comma on third line, third stanza, and full stop at end of third stanza.
All these punctuation things are JMO, and of course, at your discretion to be used or ignored. If you read the poem out loud, you can hear where you need stops, commas, etc. And they're all minor things in the scope of this very powerful piece. I look forward to reading more of your work. Thank you for this. :) |
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| I like the movement of emotion in this poem, from the sort of clingyness at the start to the indepence shown in the last line. |
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