 |
 |
 |
| |
Dirty Talk
You touch my skin,
and silently whisper in my ear,
dirty words, just hard enough that I can hear
and when you say such words to me
it feels like I'm on ecstasy...
Your heartbeat against my white silky breast;
and mine, in the same rhythm against your chest...
The outside world is fading away
I wish this was a never ending day
Want to comment on this Poetry?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Poetry and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
|
 |
|
[Back to top]
|
|
|
|
| i took a deep breath on that one.. at that moment in time.. i like just loud enough that I can hear.. my excitement level would have been too high to just silently whisper.. lol |
|
|
| Not bad. Though they seem to be words spoken out of necessity, like the hollow moans and screams of an unsatisfied womens fallen fanticy. Also, you can't whisper silently. |
|
|
| i like the refference to ecstasy, clever. |
 |
Comment by: champagne Online- 2007-04-23 14:47
|
|
Hi, Vally. I think you should re-evaluate the a couple of your word choices. Since you don't seem to try to avoid cliche in your writing think about changing "silently whisper" to "softly whisper". No one can whisper silence. Consider, as well, in L3, your use of "hard". Unless you're making a clever inference about something else being hard, besides his whisper, then you may get the same effect through using a more language-based adverb, "loud".
You close it sweetly enough, and for what your poem is, it is a really pretty little love poem.
Thanks for sharing,
Carrie. |
 |
Comment by: twoshea - 2007-03-14 09:59
|
|
| This is beautiful, two hearts in one rhythm...I have felt like this and it has ended |
| 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Next |
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
