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Cruelty
We saw a woman very plain
I called her ugly, caused her pain
She looked away and began to cry
That was easy, didn't even try
We saw a man of considerable size
I shouted 'Who ate all the pies?'
He produced some candy and took a bite
This satisfaction feels just right
We saw a boy with glasses thick
I pushed him down and started to kick
We made him bleed, to prove whose best
Now let's see him ace those tests
We saw a dog out all alone
Tied to a tree we broke its bones
A hideous attack the papers say
What's wrong with another dead stray?
I saw a girl across the street
I crossed the road to make her week
I didn't see that speeding truck
Confined to a chair for want of a '¦'¦
Can't have sex, can't reach the bar
Can't even joyride someone's car
Friends now treat me like a fool
I don't know why life's so cruel.
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Comment by: Gregory - 2007-02-05 11:15
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| The complete lack of insight that the protagonist has is quite stagering.just go's to show that often someone never grasps the idea that thery are resposible for their own actions. |
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Comment by: Leigh - 2006-07-13 05:27
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A fine, twisted little piece. Love the comeuppance he gets at the end - even though he seems not to have learnt his lesson.
Your use of rhyme gives the piece a simplistic air which conveys well the narrator's immature, uncaring character.
Your first 3 stanzas were quite humorous, then the bit about the dog turned the tone altogether blacker. Excellent! |
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i like the fact that the narrator doesn't seem to have any remorse for his actions even after he gets his towards the end. good rhythm keeps this piece moving. my only advice would be to go ahead and drop the f bomb at the end of the fifth stanza. i don't think that this one word would soil an already twisted poem and would keep the rhyme going. nicely done.
chili |
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Comment by: - 2006-06-30 11:12
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I loved how you captured the "wicked" well in this piece. I must say I have no feelings for the boy getting hit myself. The rhyming was nice as well. Loved the flow. Thanks for the great read!
Samantha
*Also will remember this when trying to light my dog on fire next time...* |
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| Yeah, very good, excellent in fact. Use's rythm well without it jaring. Nice one. |
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