The Mother's Role
How do you make yourself believe you aren't what you felt you were your entire life? A mother to someone else's child, their provider, protector, their rock. When is being a sister good enough? Its not. Not when your whole life you played the role. The choice to step down...and not knowing how. A feeling of obligation, a feeling of loyalty.
When your whole life has existed to keep them safe from harm, their hearts whole, their bellies full. When is it okay to step down? Never it seems. They grow up...right before your eyes and you don't know whether to be sister or mother. Friend or adult.
Trying to protect them from both harm and punishment. Torn. Doing the best you can to teach them responsibility, consequences for their actions and all the while feeling guilty. Having no choice, but to sit back and watch, stuck in the middle of the role you played and the role you have to play.
Existing to keep them safe, you try to do what's right. wWhile still trying to keep the trust and loyalty you have always had. When is your best as good as it gets? To see their begging eyes shining back at you, and to have do what your gut tells you is right.
So hard to let of the role you didn't want in the first place. Forced to step into a mother's shoes. When is enough, enough? In your heart is won't ever be.
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