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Us vs Them
Nothing to write
or even say.
How dare you treat
yourself that way.
You think it's fun
you think it's free.
Your eyes are open
what do you see?
Is that the you
you want to be !
We're both the same
if you see me.
Treat yourself better
and I got your rear.
Us 'gainst the world
You and your mirror.
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| Blunt, simple, and to the point, but holds my attention throughout. I like your unique form. |
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| Very good twist at the end! As everyone has said already....but I liked it. Quick, simple, to the point, and I love poems where one questions one-self. |
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Now this hit me right where poetry is meant to! (hobbles on a bruised toe:p)haha...
No really, it is a fabulous piece. The last stanza is very astute, and the kind of thing that would really speak to a lot of people.
You have such a point you have made here, and you've reinforced it with the 'how dare you' line, and other strong statements such as 'you're eyes are open....' People are so busy trying to please every body else that they forget to be kind to themselves.
Great piece. Bookshelved. |
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Comment by: PANDORA - 2006-06-29 19:16
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| I liked this one a lot. You are getting better and better. The little twist at the end was unexpected, but good. It is nice to see someone write about themself in such a positive way. ** |
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