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Very creative work here. Loved your imagery throughout, especially these lines:
"Inspiration burns round
the edges usually:
Fraying the sides
and moving gently
into the core
of my pastry
brain."
Very cool, indeed. |
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| Sorry if this comes off as ruthless, but the middle of hte poem is where you really start to rock. I'd write off the first two stanzas as "warm-up," and cut off the last two as "wind-down." |
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Excellent flow, and I love the long line idea! Again, the use of unique words is intriguing and really enhances your work. This is especially nice:
Inspiration burns round
the edges usually:
Fraying the sides
and moving gently
into the core
of my pastry
brain.
Very inspiring, thank you. |
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Comment by: dreamer - 2007-06-28 13:10
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| LOL. Great poem...you weren't bored at the time or anything? This completely rings with the tone of your voice. Loved the humour. You had me chuckling and remembering. |
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Meh, cheater. Write a poem about boredom that's about as far from boring as it can get.
I *loved* this bit
"You can smack it with a rollpin
into amber pieces like caramel snaps
and see it fragment into
new shapes like
a rorscach"
but thought that the parts with your dog were a little too self-indulgent, if you know what I mean. Putting something down b/c you can and not necessarily b/c you should.
Pretty cool thing you made here, though. Very nice. |
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