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Comment by: - 2006-10-04 13:58
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| this one is very blunt and shattering. very emotional. very forward! i enjoyed!!! |
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Love that last line.
"faded pain / Borrowed memories / Shattered time" - gorgeous lines. |
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Comment by: jkaber - 2006-07-04 18:01
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Nice shift in the middle of this poem.
a few suggestions:
Change "On to be shot down again" to
"Only to be shot down again" - is that what you meant anyway?
Also, I think it would read better if you put
"From my perch in the ninth cage"
instead of "From my perch in the ninth cloud"
gives it a bit more of a sting. |
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| This was great. It has a subtleness to it that is also very strong. It makes me hope the character gets exactly what they want! Great job. |
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Comment by: PANDORA - 2006-07-02 11:55
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ike how? and why?=like
The more work i read of yours the more I like it. This poem starts with pain of past hurts and ends on a hope for a positive future full of love. Well written. ** |
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