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At the Zoo
At the Zoo
Strawberry milkshake bendable straws,
Their necks are unbearably sad
Because they're twelve good flamingos wanting an orgy
(I want an orgy or nothing at all!)
We understand the party spirit
And the pink ones to leer at.
We have given them mirrors
And whispers, an audience cheering.
Come one, a mere ring of reflections is the genius of literature,
Of Faulkner and Proust,
Too mentally stimulating, too thought provoking
To encourage exchanges of spittle and spittle,
Feet jogging impatiently,
Pink wings thrown up and back
Like an Oscar Wilde cape.
Unlike us, they don't like craning
To their own reflections. They want to be
Strawberry daiquiri straws, bendable, bendable,
Full of the drunkenness of more than two.
has been published in Chattahoochie Review
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Comment by: - 2007-02-11 16:22
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I enjoyed this a lot and would be really enamored of it if it had stuck to the exuberance that keeps popping up throughout the poem. Even the references to the literary giants fits into a party atmosphere and theme. They are like costumes or masks that are worn by the birds.
The third stanza abruptly shifts the language and theme to the unwieldy
"a mere ring of reflections is the genius of literature,".
I think your talking to us here and then again in the last stanza,
"Unlike us, they donā??t like craning
To their own reflections."
This might be unnecessary. I would rather have the flamingos show us these ideas by actions. The images and the linkages are strong.
Because it has been published, I do feel a little presumptious in critiquing it. |
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| to answer your question about the straws, their necks are long and pink and bendable, as if someone were drinking pink milkshake through the those bendy type straws..... |
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| this fantasy poem sounds like it has been derived from the deep south. i see women in flowing victorian gowns, holding parasols on a porch near a yard full of colorful tulips. |
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Comment by: - 2006-03-29 01:58
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Good, but i didnt understand the straw thing...but dont be dissapointed, since i am not a good critic. But, let me give you some friendly advice(advice that you dont have to take). Firstly, write about something that everyone knows and can relate to. Then, write simple flowing sentences(NOT SHAKSPERE, ARE YOU?). Finally, make it either very witty, or very sad...dont make it in between...AGAIN< ONLY MY FRIENDLY ADVICE!
P.S.:Please read my story..Mr. Banker |
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Comment by: - 2006-03-04 14:05
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| I don't really understand the whole straw thing. Could you explain? |
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