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Best Friend
When others desert me,
You Stay.
When I'm crying,
You listen.
When I need cheering up,
You smile,
When I need a hug,
You sit with me.
When I am cold,
You snuggle with me.
When I'm bored,
You play with me.
When I'm sad,
You walk with me.
I am happy,
When you're with me.
Mans Best Friend?
No.
Your Mine.
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I think that this has promise, but it needs work. I am not captivated by poetry that lacks imagery. And if imagery is not your forte, perhaps it would help to practice writing descriptive paragraphs to hone your skills. The subject matter, while valid, is a little cliched. If you added more description, more raw emotion, the poem would bring thought... as well as smiles (which it did for me) to the reader. Remember, it's good to stay simplistic when you're trying to convey a message, but simplicity can also involve solid images.
It doesn't seem like the comments you've gotten so far have included constructive critisism, so hopefully this will help you in some way.
:-) Never stop writing. Don't let anyone get you down. |
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| very cute short write. it flowed well and the meter was well constructed. it made for a very intresting quick read. Good word choices over all as well. Thanks for the read. good write! |
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Comment by: lofty - 2006-07-25 11:25
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| just simply special...really good read. |
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Comment by: Lander Online- 2006-07-05 05:53
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| Obviously it's about a dog. But I like the twist on 'mans best friend.' Of course, they can be women's too! |
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Comment by: PANDORA - 2006-07-05 05:51
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I love animals more then people. A dog loves unconditionaly, who can say that about a man.
Loved this well written heart-felt poem/ |
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