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| An excellent piece with a waltzy feeling (each line is truncated into 2 by punctuation) as I read through the lines. Lines are written in Iambic trimeter mostly (each line can be read below the space of one human breath) and supplemented with the lengthened pentimeter lines .Frequent alliteration with a lot of your words with pronouced consonant sounds. A lovely sensuous piece about the warmth that sex provides withthe allegories of the coolness and liquid environment of the ocean. Just lovely. |
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| your writing was melodic and tranquil, while the words were poignant and well chosen. I love the way you wrote on the theme of love in a completely different way while bringing out the overwhelming feelings that sweep over that person feeling such deep emotions. Excellent writing! |
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Comment by: - 2006-07-07 04:18
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| I nearly did'nt get past the first line here, thinking it was going to be a trite and tedious sea themed love poem. I'm glad I did! A fantastic image of your lover retching and gaging for more. Good, original work. |
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| agree with sarah, great metaphor.. really different approach to writing about sex but it works well. cool. |
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| Gorgeous write. Great metaphor you use. Lovely flow to your words. |
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