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Floss
Some of us are not meant
to walk upon the grizzly teeth
of this indifferent world.
Some of us are too kind
at the heart,
with honest baby eyes,
in total disregard of
the gingivitis reality,
which blisters our mouths,
infecting a once proud smile.
Maybe that's called survival.
Might be just plain stupidity.
Or, maybe it's nothing short
of a supreme luck.
Most of us, at some juncture
are forced to gnaw
on the rancid shit of uncaring strife,
slowing our internal rhythms,
testing our will to save ourselves.
Such is life'¦
And we scrub away the plaque,
spitting out misfortune
with an alcohol wash of positive chance.
A ray of earned sunshine
is not without a stinging price.
We do
what must be done.
So I say to you
my friend,
as I often say to
myself.
Stride with confidence,
but tread lightly by means of caution.
And never leave home
without your
barbed-wire dental floss.
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Comment by: foxfyre - 2007-01-16 23:54
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| bookshelved. |
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Comment by: AJSmith - 2006-08-07 04:34
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Hi Jay, (thanks for the vote of support, they've been entered in a competition so fingers crossed.)
I'm beginning to enjoy your poems more and more. One thing that sticks out is how universal you make them. This poem could be appreciated by anyone - you don't alienate anyone with the language, the metaphors are simple but poignant and the images resonate. If anything, a spattering, and only a spattering, of something more personal or 'real' might improve this one, ie when you say alcohol wash perhaps 'Listerine' or some other make might work, to relate to the reader. But that's just an idea - a universal and far-reaching poem like this can do without pinpointing an individual recollection. Perhaps. I'm wrapping myself up in my own words. Do you know any more Dental related words like gingivitis? If you did or could find out some more specific medical phrases/dental viruses etc, it might add to its depth. Overall, liked the metaphor a lot and you made it work. Maybe lose 'Most of us' in the fourth stanza, because surely 'All of us' are forced to gnaw on the rancid shit of uncaring strife. |
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Comment by: - 2006-07-11 13:45
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| Great metaphore here. You pulled it off well, it made me crinkle my nose, cringe, wince....yeah...even giggle at how silly I must look reading this. Great job, Jay. - Leah |
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| this was great, so much that it pulled me in despite my dislike of anything vaguely dental. you have taken the canvas of an anxiety dream and stretched it on a larger frame. |
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| Genius way to look at the world Jay. Outstanding |
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