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jaden2014
Alea Jade Haevyn
United States, Texas, Richardson

Words: 516
Access: Public
Comments: 6

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Untitled Story One: Chapter One

"Shaya."
The twenty-four-year-old looked up quickly, trying not no look startled. "Yes, Professor?"
"Besides the capital city of SyYanah, what is the largest city in all Sai territory, not including the Varekai province?"
Shaya swallowed. Obviously, she would have known the answer to the question had she not been secretly writing with her closest friend, Aspen. She slowly eased the note in her pocket as her mind groped for an intelligent answer.
"Umm, that would be Kyce City, sir."
A couple muffled laughs rose from the bravest of the group.
"No, Miss Darkwood. The City of Ice isn't half as big as the city I'm thinking of. Does anyone know the correct answer?"
A young man in front raised his hand.
"Yes, Traxon?"
"Sichiona, sir."
"That is correct." The teacher turned back to Shaya, whose face was now a light shade of pink. "I'd appreciate it if you'd either pay attention and not distract other students or leave."
A few taunts swirled around Shaya, coaxing her into showing her embarrassment. But Aspen knew her friend wouldn't give in. She shook her head in warning when Shaya looked to her with a mischievous look in her emerald eyes.
Shaya loved to fight. She was of royal blood, and no one, not even one of her mentors, could be allowed to mock her.
She looked back to the teacher and smiled sweetly. "But sir, why are we studying the Sai, anyway? Everyone knows they were wiped out in the war a century ago. These cities don't even exist anymore, and if they do, they're deserted. With all due respect, sir, who cares? Why do we need to know this?"
Eyebrows raised all around the room, but those who knew Shaya best sighed. This was a battle she just couldn't win. It was a shame that she didn't know when to give up.
"You should be the one caring if you want to be the Draya someday. There is no way to prove that the Sai are dead, and a good leader should be on the lookout for all kinds of attacks, no matter the source."
Shaya's eyes widened, but her reaction was interrupted.
"That's very true," a girl to the right said. "My grandfather fought the Sai at the last assault on SyYanah, and his troop suspected that there was a significant number of Sai who escaped. They could have easily avoided our armies and gathered at a place beyond our reach, such as Vyse Island or Kyce City."
"Don't be ridiculous," Traxon objected. "The finest of our armies would never have let so much as one of them escape."
"Alright, that's enough," the teacher said. "We don't have enough time right now to engage in the foremost answerless argument of our time."
Shaya had slipped nearly completely under her and Aspens' table, humiliated and thanking the Spirit for the distraction of the argument. She'd escaped!
The professor turned back to Shaya. "Your lack of respect will not go unnoticed. I will have obedience from everyone in this class, Ksaia or not."
Shaya lowered her head. "Yes, sir."

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Comments  
gmarco Comment by: gmarco - 2007-07-07 09:17
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A great conversational start. I loved the words for your setting used as they were described by the characters rather through omniscient exposition; I would definatly be interested in more of this character/setting.
mindofryan Comment by: mindofryan - 2007-07-06 18:36
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Very cool. The only thing that bothers me is the vocabulary. I'm left now wondering what a Draya and a Ksaia are. I'm make guesses as to what they could possibly mean but they are already defined in the world and they seem to keep me from being "part of the world" and makes the story a little harder to follow.
Fesman Comment by: Fesman - 2007-02-19 15:57
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I like it! I really liked how it captures your attention right away, and holds it. It leaves me wanting to know: who are the Sai, what is a Ksaia, and to find out why if Shaya is Royalty and expects to be treated as such... why is she is a class with regular people and such. I will be waiting to read more. :-)
hilda Comment by: hilda - 2006-07-13 14:01
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This is my first foray into Internet commentary. I like the imagination in your story and the dialogue is excellent. I read worfs sometimes phonetically and the Sai soujds like sigh. I'm pondering the origin of that sound in your subconscious mind. Jim
Robert Barlow Comment by: Robert Barlow - 2006-07-12 19:30
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Alea, this is an excellent start. I liked the descriptions and how the dialogue was used to introduce us to the main character. The more that character can be developed the better the story will be. --Robert Barlow
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