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Comment by: - 2006-10-04 20:23
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I like the whole turn-around. kindly funny. your imagery is good!
nice poem! enjoyed! |
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| Love it,wife loves it too much LOL |
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Comment by: AJSmith - 2006-08-22 04:36
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Not a lot to say about this. Again, it's a universal theme on a personal level which you bring off really well. Nice line-break on the first line, good description in the first stanza and then the action in the final stanza shows what doesn't need to be told.
To make it more concise perhaps the first lines could read:
'Last night's residue and you
linger heavy, hugging my...' etc
- good title change, may I suggest just 'Morning' - keeping it even simpler, in line with the poem.
Nice one again, Jay |
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Comment by: lofty - 2006-07-19 08:43
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Residue of last night and you
Linger heavy, hugging to my
Skin like condensation
great lines jay wow. |
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Comment by: fredav - 2006-07-16 07:29
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| Awww..this is a sweet poem. talk about passion man. saw denise's comment. i take it the title has been changed now... sounds good. nice, nice. good work! looking forward to reading more. -freda |
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