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Words: 92
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Comments: 3

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UNSEEN

I lay like a discarded rose, down by your feet
Red petals of Love entwined, delicately sweet.
I secretly admired you from near and afar,
You're my reason for being, my shining star.
It's sad you don't see me, although I am here,
And to wither and crumble, is my worst fear.
Now my perfume is fading, under the hot sun
While my petals fall away slowly, one by one.
Sadly we were not lovers, if only for a day,
As the breezes of time sweep me gently away.

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Comments  
suleem Comment by: suleem - 2006-07-14 17:10
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I read it aloud, loved it.
MaggieMay Comment by: MaggieMay - 2006-07-14 12:18
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This piece is very straight forward with its rhythm. The rhyme pattern works wonderfull. the theme and emotion is expressed artfully. good metaphors.

"I lay like a discarded rose" -- this wording seems awkward to me, its not as free flowing as the rest of your word choices.
PANDORA Comment by: PANDORA - 2006-07-14 12:12
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Now this is the saddest unrequited love poem I have seen. Not only did you not get this love, or even that chance to express it, but now there is no chance as death has caught his prey. Well Written.**
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