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Domestic Vacation
It feels good
Laying here
Stroking my whiskers
Sharp like tiny black tacks
3 days grown grime
Shaving is a luxury
Unneeded for a sloth
Neglected sun is angry
Hanging out across the street
Picking fights with the neighbors
Solar bitch taunts these elderly souls
Manicuring lawns with
Motherly possession
Fertilization spreads spent
With this month's
Retirement check
Earthworm chokes dying on
Dusty concrete drive, searching
For moist soil refuge, but my own
Brown, brittle, toothpick grass
Offers no burrowing comfort
To incubate hermaphrodite life
Evolution's been kind to
Thistle weed and dandelion
Only they endure proud
Thriving indignant in valley's
Suburban desert hell
And I survive lazy
Entombed in 3 fan comfort
All pointed high on me
Television is my Disneyland
Guinness is today's cotton candy, because
Just laying here
Right now
Feels so damn good
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Comment by: AJSmith - 2006-07-26 08:41
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| only thing i'd change would be laying to lying, but maybe that's an english-american thing, otherwise i think it's really good. great rhythm, and the words and syntax youve used have a really 'sharp' 'edginess' on the tongue whe you read them. it sounds quite aggressive, incongruous to the defining emotion of relaxation. i get the feeling you're at the centre of a chaotic world, but you are the quiet eye of the storm. good sense of humanity - favourite one of yours so far |
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Comment by: tcbswan - 2006-07-23 03:11
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| you changed the title? like it, like it a lot. |
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Comment by: lofty - 2006-07-19 08:42
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| great work my friend...again. |
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| Nice one Jay. I have never been big on grass either. I always believed that if you could not eat it or smoke it, it was not worth waisting water on. |
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Comment by: nesca - 2006-07-17 23:17
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i don't think this one needs work at all jay, i loved it and i can really relate, especially loved the way the sentiment of the first three lines repeates itself at the end to close the circle, so to speak....and "just laying here" is my favorite thing to do, whoa, love this poem jay...
see ya,
tony |
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