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confrontation akimbo
surreptitiously
silent, hands on her hips
she aims forgetmenot stares
in a regret-ridden room-- left poker-faced and cynical
by the memory of just ...
too much.
he sits, head cocked sideways
-a real idiosyncracy-
and pretends not to notice her.
(he had an unattractive habit of
throwing back his head and saying
"too much, too much!"
and he was.)
even the most
bottled of urges
resurfaces when running
tongue along the teeth,
remembering.
what
he
tasted
like.
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Comment by: zepol - 2007-06-02 10:08
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Akimbo, haven??t heard this word in a very long time. This is a great poem. I hope you have time to read one of mine, perhaps ??My world is not flat?.
If she stands surreptitiously do you need the word silent? I am guilty of the same, often when I upload a first draft of which I did 20 yesterday.
Typo idiosyncracy should be idiosyncrasy. |
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Comment by: flameof - 2007-05-20 19:34
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| ahh, meloves. Reminds me of my favorite writer Franz Wright. |
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| Love the alliteration, especially in the first stanza - "surreptitiously / silent, hands on her hips / she aims forgetmenot stares". At first I thought the "surreptitiously" and "silent" pairing was a little obvious, but the juxtaposition with the "hands" and "hips" pairing with the "S" sound at the end right afterward made me change my mind; with that, it comes out as nicely balanced and shows that you have a more subtle control over the sound of the poem. Well done:) |
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Comment by: - 2006-12-21 12:20
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| reminded me a little of Stephen Jess Bernstein (on one of his saner days :)) |
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Comment by: Beck Online- 2006-08-07 16:09
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| Great poem. Each stanza seems to shift attention from one thing to the next almost erratically. Despite this it flows fantastically well. |
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