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love!
The pain is my path to happiness
I am not betrayed!
The love I feel is not fleeting
'¦ it is everlasting, ever stayed..
I don't think, it is your doing
'¦'¦.or even mine
it is nature's way of mocking us
to be superior, to outshine..
'¦you sacrifice, you give away
your comfort- your utter piece of mind
and you just do not ask for any return
..THAT is the gist of nature's play ' back, forth and rewind'¦
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| I agree with the others on the spelling and grammar. I do like your concept and my interpretation is total forgiveness for whatever has happened in the relationship. If there is love there, true love, then that overcomes whatever may happen between two people. |
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Comment by: Valerie - 2007-03-20 04:48
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This is a very sweet poem, however, I was set back by the overuse of the ellipsis and the abbreviated use of "your" and "you." The poem is busy with punctuation. This is just a suggestion, which you may not feel is appropriate for your poem. I would remove all ellipsis and punctuation. If you need a comma, just start a new line where you need the comma. Spell out "you and your."
oops! typos The "its" in the poem should be "it's (it is) |
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Comment by: tcbswan - 2006-07-25 14:36
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very nice poem--conveys such truth about life, love, pain and happiness and the self-sacreficing nature of real love. love the last lines:
"and donâ??t ask for any return
..its the gist of natureâ??s play â?? back, forth and rewindâ?¦"
nice job!
t. |
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Comment by: PANDORA - 2006-07-25 04:39
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| I like the unusual format used in this poem. The first line and the last really capture the reader. Some might say your use of language (words) need to be changed to make them proper, however, I like the freshness of the poem** |
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