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Tillyboa
Frances Roberson
United Kingdom, London

Words: 130
Access: Public
Comments: 5

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Death of a Poet

This is very much a work in progress, I've written down what I was thinking but need to boulster it up with something. Not sure what though, so any advice would be a great help!


Trees stand lifeless,
In spite of the wind.
What has been lost before
Remains lost in the present.

The earth, once grass
Is now mud;
Dried and cracked.
Water is long gone.

Rooks, or crows,
Screech their call
As they circle,
Pecking at dry air.

Remnants of a being,
Skeletal, and stripped now
Of all flesh,
Lie scattered.

Bones where once hands
Gripped a pen,
Thought words,
Wrote lines of prose.

Veins are now dried,
Desiccated by vultures,
Where once passion,
Pulsed in agony.

Life bleached
In searing heat,
Love leached
At point of death.

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Comments  
tinaleigh120 Comment by: tinaleigh120 - 2006-08-07 20:14
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I dunno, I loved it. Seems to me, that 'as is' you've got a string of emotionins tied to a dying cause/person/poet/you name it which gives it meaning and makes it easy to relate to. Everyone has felt like this about either someone, a dream, a passion or will feel the above. Or if anthing, they will feel some emotion from the graphic description.. So as far as I am concerned, not that my advice counts, I think its great.
Sanketmishra Comment by: Sanketmishra - 2006-08-04 20:02
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Frances this has all the ingredients of a brilliant one. The starting perhaps needs a little bit of a tweak. Other than that this a great one already.
RoadPoet Comment by: RoadPoet - 2006-08-03 17:06
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Many apologies Frances, I have read this poem two times and although I enjoy it, I would be grateful if you could send me an email of the scant biographical details of the poet you were thinking of (fictional or real) who has died. That way you mention how the character of the poet influences aspects of nature of what he/she may have written about upon death.

Basically my opinion is that nature must be able to document the poet upon death, just as if the poet had documented nature in life...each death of a person gives meaning and a history to a person's life...somehow my opinion is that there must be an affiliation of nature to this mortal man.

Get back to me mate so I can give you some suggestions.
Fouchega Comment by: Fouchega - 2006-08-03 16:52
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Frances- I won't say too much for fear of disturbing a work in progress. I think you have really got something in those last 4 stanzas. I love the last 2 in particular. Here lies the makings of a good poem. Keep at it, just needs a bit of direction.
GLWard Comment by: GLWard - 2006-08-02 16:04
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Very visual. I think it's great as it is. This is better than I can do on a good day. (i'm not a poet) So I really have no advise to give.
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