For the past few months Alexa's (my sister-in-law) words have been echoeing strongly in my mind. It was the words she spoke when I told her about my unrequited one-way love affair with *Julia. Nine years only seems like a long time when someone else repeats it back to you. "Nine years? You've been in love with her and haven't told her for NINE YEARS?"

While I was in Johannesburg one night and Julian, my brother was still at work, Alexa and I started speaking about various things. It was the first time I had ever spoken about it to anyone. I've carried it around inside of me as an athlete would carry the Olympic torch.

It felt so good to speak to someone about it. She, I knew, would not betray my trust in any way. It seemed a little silly once I had put the feelings I had harboured for her in my heart into words. I too would have seriously reproached myself had I been in a position to offer advice.

I have started moving on in my own way over the years. But I always seem to come back to her. I could never be far away from her for too long, even despite the fact that I know she is unavailable.

I've tried many times to tell her of the feelings I have for her, but either the timing's not right, or I feel that I'm far too inadequate for her. What could she possibly want in a guy like me? Then at times, I believe her and I are soul-mates, sharing some kind of inexplicable cosmic destiny neither of us are entirely aware of.

All the little ironic things that have happened between us over the years - synchronicity I believe it's called - has convinced me that there must be something more to it than just mere fascination.

Like a comic-book super-hero hiding his identity behind a mild-mannered alter-ego I have learnt to conceal my true feelings for her. When in her compant this is especially necessary. Many times I have found myself wanting to touch her hand or hold her close to me.

"The guys" know me as a kind of Casanova cause I make friends with women easily, nick-naming me 'sex-bomb' but they don't know that inside my chest you'll only find a vacant thoracic cavity.

She still has my heart, and unfortunately, it still beats very much ONLY for her.

That is why Alexa suggested that I express my feelings for her. And to find the "closure" that I need. Then, and only then will it resolve itself.Regardless whether she says yay or nay. After all this time I believe she is right. And I am embarking on a quest to do just that.

I have arranged For us to meet and have coffee, then I will tell her - finally - after all these years.

*Not real name

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