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Second Trumpet
A polite hello, an amused smile begins to grow.
A stray eye. The intentions were hid,
And before I know,
You are gone. Except I always did.
A fresh shoulder to latch,
It's me who analyses your feelings and thought,
Before you return to that "great catch",
Not realising it was me you caught.
A brief hello, a feigned smile begins to fade.
"Oh I'm sorry, could we speak another time?"
Is this you? Or the lies you made?
After all, I only deserve a light that isn't lime.
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Comment by: Juan2 - 2006-10-09 16:50
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I like the feelings that come across in this piece, slighted and unamused. Each stanza seems to provide more insight and none of the rhymes seem forced, which can be so hard to do sometimes. Well done.
Happy Writings. |
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I like this stanza:
"A fresh shoulder to latch,
It's me who analyses your feelings and thought,
Before you return to that "great catch",
Not realising it was me you caught."
It hits me for some reason.
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I love the structure of this piece, particularly the second stanza. You've turned a rather unpleasant and ellusive feeling into thought-provoking, well-written prose.
Great work. |
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Comment by: - 2006-08-06 18:09
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| I LOVE parts of this, and others catch me in a rhythmic stumble. "Not realising it was me you caught." was gorgeous..."You are gone. Except I always did." was LOVELY. |
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