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Across the Bridge ((Part II))
A couple of minutes passed by and she was still aimlessly running through the forest. She had the sudden urge to look back to see if the soldiers in red coats were still on her trail. As she glimpsed back for the slightest second she tripped over the roots of a tree she had not been paying attention to. She dropped her dress just in time to catch her fall. Her left shoe was caught under one of the overgrown roots. She glimpsed back at it just for a second. She took off her right shoe to relieve her swollen, blistered feet from their breathless prison. She slowly got up looking around frantically for the soldiers. She saw no one. She decided to look around once more and then sat down against the tree that had tripped her to catch her breath. The roots twisted and tangled all around the tree. She felt like she was in a horrible hiding place waiting for her brothers and friends to find her. She leaned her head back against the tree, closed her light blue-gray eyes, and listened.
She heard birds chirping their beautiful songs and leaves softly blowing in the soft wind. She heard a twig snap and jolted her eyes open. She was too afraid to get up and see who it was and where for that matter. Instead she crouched down further grabbing her knees as many, many things started rushing through her head.
She thought about her friend, Natallie, whom was accused of being a witch. She thought about her friends, Jason and Charlie, whom were working hard just for some food. She thought about Patrick and wondered what had happened to him. She thought about Michael, her oldest brother, whom was always on her side of the argument and supported her when she was in need. She thought about her other older brother, William, and her mother, Patricia, whom always opposed her and Michael. She wouldn't mind leaving loosing those last two. As she snapped back to reality she tried to wonder what snapped the trigger, a bear? A wolf? One of the soldiers? A squirrel?
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| Wow, very climatic. I liked this, even though it was short. :( WRITE MORE!!!!! lol. oh, um, this isn't so bad, but "She decided to look around once more and then sat down against the tree that had tripped her to catch her breath. The roots twisted and tangled all around the tree" the repetition of tree so quickly stands out badly. Perhaps, for the first "tree", u could replace it with "the pine" or "the birch" or whatever the tree was that had tripped her. Also, in "She heard birds chirping their beautiful songs and leaves softly blowing in the soft wind." again, the repetiton of soft stands out, perhaps one could be gently? soothingly? Otherwise though, a great read, u end with a real cliffy there. :D Love the detaildness. |
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"The Buffalo Hunters"
Violent, graphic novel set against the background of the South African revolution in 1994. The lives of five groups of people intersect during a bloody and violent Saturday night and Sunday morning. Not for the squeamish. Climax based on an actual gunfight involving the author.
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