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Life Bleeds
Life in all its glory
with its ambitions, dreams, desires
Its constant struggle against us
finding who we are and who we hope to be
Life bleeds just as we do
The Past
Showing us, teaching us who we will become
lessons in life that are powerful, convincing
painful struggles, hurtful relationships, broken young hearts
drive us to bitterness, anger, resentment, depression
Life bleeds just as we do
The Present
Who we are is not who we have to be
changes in our destiny is reality
the battle is not lost for we still exist
enduring the trials of life with bold hearts, powerful wills
Life bleeds just as we do
The Future
Dwell not in heartaches of the past
fill your heart with hope
find happiness in who you are, who your destined to become
serenity will await in the heart of a soulmate
Life heals just as we do
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Comment by: Valerie - 2007-08-16 10:33
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I love your philosophy with the divisions of life: Past, present and future.
As far as critique -
Verse 1, lines 1,2, and 3 - [it's] The apostrophe in "it's" signals not a possessive but a contraction of "it is." "Its" is the possessive form.
So "it's" should be 'its.'
Verse 4, line 3 - In line one of that verse, you write "The Future."
Line 3 "fill your heart with hope for the future" In this line I would omit the repetitious "for the future" because it was stated two lines above, and is understood. Still a lovely poem with minor typos that can be easily fixed. |
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| Just as we do, ouch |
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Thank you all for the wonderful comments. I appreciate all of your insight. Thank you very much.
Mel
AKA Falconer28 |
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| I absolutely loved this poem. I appreciated your concept of life bleeding the same as our human bodies with its frailtiesā??. These stages in onesā?? life being similar with our body as it changes from the past present to future. Always learning, always growing and yes, from time to time bleeding trough the experiences. The learning processesā?¦ |
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Comment by: Smurff - 2007-05-03 08:26
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| This is truly a poem worth reading. It is very true. Comes from within. Wonderful message in it. Great poem |
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