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End of My Days
What to do, where to go
Through the trees the wind does blow
Lightning flashes and thunder cracks
Not too far away be a couple of shacks
I run through the prairie at breakneck speed
A lot of luck is what I need
Hail begins to pelt my head
Balls of ice that want me dead
I look behind me and there I see
The finger of God, it's racing towards me
The sky is green and the clouds do swirl
So much fear makes me want to hurl
Over my head a tree goes by
Oh please God, I don't want to die
I see the shack, just a little more to go
I won't give up hope, just a few more steps to throw
I begin to feel my feet lift off the ground
It's clear that I won't make it, the end of my life does sound
Within seconds I'm flying through the air
I try not to black out while my clothes do tear
I feel something hit me knee
The pain is indescribable, hitting your thumb with a hammer times three
As I fly though the air I find time to look
At the force of God that had no remorse for the lives it took
In short time I begin to fall
I look towards the ground, to my family I cannot call
I close my eyes as the ground rushes up to my face
Everything turns dark and I leave the place
I've come to call home for the last nineteen years and one hundred two days
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Comment by: - 2006-08-15 20:37
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| this poem is interesting Drew...but i would love to know why you haven't e-mailed me in months...lol...but i'm glad you told me about this site anyways...how's your summer so far, almost time for school though! We have like 2 weeks left...let's make them count, lol. |
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I just want to say, that I'm not like a professional or anything like that. To me the real place that I just couldn't flow through was:
"The pain is indescribable, hitting your thumb with a hammer times three" I had to stop and reread it like three times before I could move through it, and that definentally broke the flow for me. And the line "At the force of God that had no remorse for the lives it took" I really like both lines, they are very good thoughts, but they don't flow right for me. I love the hammer line, I thought that was very imaginative. I hope that makes sense to you. |
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| Thank you very much for the nice comment. Maybe you could tell me what lines don't flow as well and what I could to to make it better. I'd appreciate it. |
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Do you mean "my knee"?
Very good imagery. I liked it a lot, I could really picture everything very well. There are a few lines that didn't seem to flow though. I really enjoyed it though. |
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