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Uncertain Pause
Leaden limbed,
limbo graven.
In Song,
in Words,
I am a mute.
My eyes blur
in your eyes,
my lies burn
as neverending
candles -
bleaching light
into this room
of nerves and unsaid truths.
You lie
defunct;
A perfunctory motion,
part of my existence
that I cannot calculate.
A being apart from me;
fallout from the moment
two minutes ago
when I said
'I don't know'.
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Comment by: Valerie - 2006-08-29 17:33
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I like MaggieMay's comment "I love the way this piece cascades downward." This is my sentiment also. It is a very beautiful poem.
I think my favorite line is - "A being apart from me / fallout from the moment / two minutes ago" |
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i love the way this piece just cascades downward. it flows very lovely. the word choices are perfect accents to the way it flows. Gorgeous theme and imagery.
thanks for the read. |
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| Thanks for the comments and the great insight :) This is mostly about that time when you realise that the other person is there patiently waiting and wanting to hear you but you cannot express yourself. A kind of out of body experience/ moment of clarity. Of having an intense picture of a very emotionally awkward scenario. |
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A very smooth piece. Almost like a smorgasboard of self discussion. A lovely brisk pace achieved by shortened iambic trimeter lines and clever wordplay by reversing some of the words and then half rhyming in the successive line, for e.g.
My eyes blur
in your eyes,
my lies burn
And also the use of 2 negative statements within a short space of each other (the idea of not being able to describe the motion of a part of your life and then not being to explain your recent history):
that I cannot calculate.
A being apart from me;
fallout from the moment
two minutes ago
when I said
â??I donâ??t knowâ??.
A very evocative poem, but yet seems to be written in parable. Delves into the existensial and also relationships (not sure if the piece delves into the latter).
Mish |
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Comment by: nesca - 2006-08-23 02:22
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love the way the words just kinda tumble down the page, very beautiful just to watch the pattern even if it had no meaning at all, which of course it has plenty, very beautiful and angry and doubtful, love this piece!
see ya,
tony |
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