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oddfruit
neil hinchcliffe
United Kingdom, lancs, bolton

Words: 892
Access: Public
Comments: 7

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CELLS

This is a definite work in progress. There is going to be more to this, possibly a lot more. WARNING the content is strong!

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It was dark when she woke up. This wasn't unusual as it was always dark here, always dark in her tiny room. It was about the size of a small bathroom. The only furniture was an old, metal sprung bed with a much stained mattress on it, which took up three quarters of the room. There wasn't even a pillow or sheet, just the mattress. In the corner was a bucket, which she had to use for her ablutions. The only source of light came from under the door, as the one small window had been bricked up. Every now and then a hatch in the door would open, and some thing that passed for food was slid through.
It was the times the door opened that she dreaded the most. They were the times when she had to yield to them. She wasn't sure exactly how many of them there were, but she hated them all. There was one in particular who was rougher than the rest. He was fat, hairy and smelt of old meat. All he ever did was come straight in and violate her, often while she was asleep, so she would wake up to him forcing his way into her, and usually her anus. She always bled afterwards due to the ferocity of it, and spent most of the time whimpering and sobbing, curled up as far into the corner as she could go.
Once in a while they would throw a damp cloth in and tell her to clean herself up for a newcomer. This always made her wonder even more where she was and who these people were. It was what took up most of her time when she was alone. Who were they? Where was she? When would they either kill her or let her go? What had she done to deserve this? She also knew she wasn't alone. She often heard screams coming from somewhere, but she didn't know where.

In the next room he sat cowering in the corner in his own filth. He'd been bad, so they'd taken away his bed and kicked his bucket over. They made him do things he didn't want to do. When he was first brought here they'd made him rape a girl in the next room. He hadn't wanted to do it, but they made it clear that if he didn't they'd kill him. He wished now that he'd let them. He wasn't sure what the girl had looked like, as he'd only seen a brief flash of a very pale and skinny figure before he was pushed in and the door shut behind him.
When he'd finished with her he was dragged out of the room and thrown here, where he was immediately raped by 3 of them. One of them had been a woman, he'd been sure of that due to her scent. She'd probably been the worst as she'd used her fist on him. Several days later (was it days? It might have been hours or even minutes) she'd come back to do it again, but he fought back and kicked her in the face. The next thing he felt was something heavy hit him on the back of the skull. When he'd come round the bed had gone and his bucket was tipped over.

The video tape stopped and started whirring as it rewound. The two controllers sat back and looked at each other. Without a word they turned to a wall of TV monitors and began turning each one off in turn. As each monitor blinked off the grainy night vision pictures of figures sat in small cells faded to black.
'When's the next set of uploads?' asked the female one, who was dressed in an expensive Gucci business suit.
'I think they're doing a load of them at the weekend,' replied the male one, who was dressed similarly.
'So in time for the new members then?'
'Yeah. You know he always like some new material to entice them with. Have you got time for a quick drink?'
'No, sorry. It's Frankie's birthday tomorrow and I've got to find a clown, like, now. The bastard I'd hired hasn't returned my calls all week. Maybe next shift, eh?'
'I'll hold you to that. I might pay one of them a visit then. Maybe that new girl in room 36, the drugs should just about be wearing off so she deserves a good welcome.'
The woman laughed.
'I knew you'd like her. You always go for the ones with big tits. Well have a fun night and I'll see you in a couple of days.'
'Yeah you too. Night.'
After she'd left he turned the monitor back on for room 36 and watched the girl for a while. She was lying on the bed naked. He squeezed his crotch for a while then put a videocassette in one of the many machines and pressed record.
'Time to party,' he said to himself and walked out of the room.

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Comments  
Comment by: - 2006-09-15 10:31
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Finally something on this site that isn't boring -Thank you. I would use an exclamation point, but they seem so pretentious when left withih a comment -Yes shoppers; dark and twisted is in this year -Later
Karina K Comment by: Karina K - 2006-09-04 14:47
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Hey Neil.

This was a very heavy piece for you and you've used it well.

Okay, first the edit.

Try Changing stained matress to soiled matress.
ablutions is a strange word and I had to look it up, why not simplify it by saying... which she had to use as a toilet.
something is one word. Also try; something that just passed for food...
It was those times, when the door opened...
Those thoughts took up most of her time...
Delete the word also. She knew she wasn't alone.
Start next paragraph with.. A boy sat cowering in the corner in his own filth.
He wished now that they had killed him.
out of the room and thrown in his cell.
looked at one another.
The sentence; as each monitor blinked off the grainy... it needs a comma somewhere.

This was a great read. I've always liked reading tough, hard-edged stories.
You can't leave it like this. I need answers. I DEMAND ANSWERS!!!!

More please. :)
JCR Comment by: JCR - 2006-08-28 06:02
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Whoah...this piece is very intriguing in a weird sort of way! I am very curious to know why these people are being held captive. I can't wait for more!!
Comment by: - 2006-08-28 03:59
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Very dark and descriptive so much so, that I think that i need to breathe a minute before finishing the comment on this.

Okay.... Back...

Have you ever seen the movie sliver? Kind of like this except you are a much darker wizard at the craft of writing than those screenplayers.

This shows a level of maturity for your ability to think of the worst twisted scenario. I like your usage of description with the perpetrators. (sp) Thanks for the read, and I am anxious to see where this is going, or if the girl survives..
Teri Comment by: Teri - 2006-08-27 17:07
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Holy wow. Okay, I'm sitting here stunned, and I finished reading this about two minutes ago, which is a long time to sit and be stunned.

(One suggestion: for the sake of anyone who may have been a victim of a rape or violent crime, I'd put a little disclaimer in the beginning. I normally hate that PC stuff, but in this case ... I'd do it. JMO and feel free to ignore it.)

Powerful and raw barely covers what I want to say. The descriptions and details are amazing, Neil. The end sent me reeling a little as the way you write it (with more than a touch of the non-chalant) is incredible. No over-the-top phrasing, not a word wasted.

I can't wait to read more. hint hint hint T. xo
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