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beyond me
Humour fails me
In this perfect light
Tricked by organised purity
Of the stark white walls
The simple pew
I am peaceful in my disbelief.
You will not reach me
But I hold your gaze
I hear your comfort
But I will not sing
amongst your strong voices
I cannot
I must not
The effort made in coming here
Alone
Was not to join you
Was not to join you
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| Yes. I read this a being about God, maybe I've read too much RS Thomas (No, you can't read too much RS Thomas!) But I'm always tempted to read devotional poems as being directed to God and to a lover at the same time (Maybe I've read too much Rabindranath Tagore... ) I can't comment on technique because you are a total master of your distinctive format |
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The connection between the first line and the last line of the first stanza, are quite mysterious and intriguing. I wonder what it is you're saying here. From the poem as a whole, I get two opposite messages, maybe that is what you're going for... it's very effective, leaves you thinking, but maybe that's not what you're going for?
Either way this is beautifully done, the images are well placed, palatable and it progressively gets more encompassing and atmospheric. I think this is really well done and clever. |
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Comment by: jkaber - 2006-08-29 18:16
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Yes, I like this very much. I think you've chosen a fine title for it too. I'm wondering about the capital on hear in this line:
I Hear your comfort
Was it intentional and if so, why?
I hate to be contradictory, but I'm not sure I like the repetition of the last line. IMO, you might do better to vary it a bit:
The effort made in coming here
Alone
Was not to join you
not to join you
at all
very nice piece. |
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| I don't know if my assumptions are right; as most of your poems seem mysterious, but i am thinking this is set in a church.It has a very strong feeling to it, sturdy, simple,great stuff. |
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Comment by: skettio - 2006-08-28 17:14
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| I like the last line repetition also. I felt that it was the narrator trying to convince herself that she would not join even though, since she is there, it seems inevitable. |
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