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a new ending
We lay there in silence
Waiting for time to pass
Wondering, thinking
How long will this last
It might be the new dawn
Yet it looked like the end
Countless prophecies revealed
Hopeful prayers were sent
We huddled together shaking
Waiting for time to pass
Hoping, learning
How long will this last
The night began to darken
As we shivered in the cold
Stars began to fall
The truth will unfold
We feared clutching each other
Waiting for time to pass
Crying, screaming
How long will this last
A rip appeared in the sky above
Opening a portal only we could see
Darkness and mystery lay beyond
Stretching a time of eternity
We felt the fire within us
Waiting for time to pass
Hurting, burning
How long will this last
Lights floated through the rip
Promising comfort to the pained
So many lights burning so bright
To save us, the dying and slain
We sighed as the lights swept over
Waiting for time to pass
Ending, beginning
How long will this last
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Comment by: foxfyre - 2006-09-03 18:15
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| my goodness this evokes such a feeling of wonder mixed with uncertain fright. A wonderful read. |
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Comment by: - 2006-08-28 18:41
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| There was a certain amount of fear I felt in between the lines....hunted and burned..hiding..waiting ...how long will it last. I can not imagine that feeling, to survive that trauma is wondeful..yet it would leave scars behind as permanent marking as a constant reminder. This was a wonderful write. _Leah |
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Comment by: Ken - 2006-08-28 08:54
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| Very nice pacing. It gets rather repetitive at times but that actually adds to the tension and emotion of the poem. Strong and frightening. |
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| That does sound better! i had a lot of trouble with that stanza, kind of rewrote it a couple of times :) i had the visual clearly in my mind, but i had a hard time trying to put it into words. i wanted the sky to be like fabric. thats the most unpoetic but the most accurate metaphor I had in mind. Thanks!!! |
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I really liked this. It was very descriptive of the setting and you could feel the tension. Only suggestion:
"A rip appeared in the sky above
Opening a portal we could only see" ~ I'd rewrite it to say
"A rip appeared in the sky above
Opening a portal only we could see" JMO |
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