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Words: 124
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Comments: 2

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My compose

Fragrance of pleasure, and eyes that glow,
Blow forth your presence, evanescence slow,

Nimble feet on a simple beat,
That did create our hearts to meet,

The positive notion, your sensitive emotions,
Our tale does follow, in silent devotion,

A heaven lit shadow on mortal feet,
Somehow my love you are just complete,

The driving pain, that cried in vain,
Is never seen behind a clever brain,

Everyone knows about your head,
Where heaven and hell have both been wed,

But to this minstrel, my one true love,
Your song is a ballad, a dancing floor,

And when the breeze with a windy sneeze,
Comes quietly to my please.

I assure you my love, on my dignity,
For you I will create, a melody.

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Comments  
xxsasha1xx Comment by: xxsasha1xx - 2007-03-08 09:32
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I like your rhyming scheme, it's almost songlike. Nice.
MaggieMay Comment by: MaggieMay - 2007-01-20 12:53
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Hi,
I like the use of couplettes here. It works out well stylistically and thematically I think. But one line struck me up : "evanescence slow," I couldn't figure out how that phrase made sense entirely. They are both descriptives, so there is a descriptive of a descriptive. So it sort of seemed jumbled up. or it came across like a forced rhyme.

great write over all, thnaks for sharing,
MM
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"Blue Water Baptism"

by Kimberley Linstruth-Beckom



"Blue Water Baptism" is my second collection of poems ranging in topic from views on death, God, friendships, and society. These poems were written in the course of ten years and show the "20-something" state of mind that transitions into a "30-something" mentality.

Blue Water Baptism

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