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Juan2
John Lander
United States, California

Words: 196
Access: Public
Comments: 13

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The Graveyard Shifts at a Seaside Motel

I've watched ants trail the pale moon
shadows hung by fluorescent bulbs;
moths caught in cobweb skies

tend to flutter 'til daytime
serves them up for Continental breakfast.
Cloudy California mornings taste like cold batteries

half-full in the fridge and slowly draining out.
Bleary headlights from last night
have all sobered. By seven,

I can't feel my feet in the crumbs
of stone shoulders
over-conglomerated in support

of our western shore --
just the latest cove
to soak in a sunrise.

Morning congestion is rotten
yolk inside a cracked egg;
slowly it seeps through every fissure

pocked across this town. Byways bend
where a cement slab stabs the sea
so unpleasant waters are kept

at bay; here the splotches of seagulls form
a rope-less canopy enwound in shoe-string
revolutions that loosely swoop

squawking tangles towards a gaggle
of old men frocked in gray wool
but parceling out their paper-

thin wafers to appease frenzied masses,
even though a nearby sign states
with white and red paint,

clear as a blue day,
Do Not Feed The Birds
because our latest findings show

that their population could grow
beyond what we want
our natural environment to harbor.




edited 07/06/08

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Comments  
Juan2 Comment by: Juan2 - 2007-08-17 17:06
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Thanks for the comments all. Saw what you meant there Christina, it always felt weak in my op, too. Made some rearrangements, hopefully it comes off a bit more powerfully now.
zookeepers wife Comment by: zookeepers wife - 2007-06-03 15:22
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beautiful. my favorites are "Cloudy California mornings can taste like cold batteries" and "rotten yolk inside a cracked egg." both very strong and surprising images.

the only issue i have with this poem is the third stanza's last two lines. the question thrown into the middle of the poem feels awkward, and the language doesn't feel as exciting as it does everywhere else. but a beautiful and stark poem, overall.
zepol Comment by: zepol - 2007-05-08 13:19
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Yes, the imagery is excellent but the last stanza makes this poem great. Thanks for the great read.
roy Comment by: roy - 2007-05-01 00:57
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Yes i agree with Nicole...a modern Frost...this is certainly the best work i have read from you Juan, I am captivated with the imagery and smells, the thought of fog intimidates me the way you present it and the last stanza, well...you took it where i did se it coming.

Thank you for a marvelous read!
Roy
Beck Comment by: Beck Online- 2007-02-26 05:57
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Really interesting ending I wans't expecting it to go there... I liked the way you switched the focus with the fourth stanza. Nice work.
Dan
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