Preface

On a hot June night, in the city of Toledo, a gruesome and horrifying murder took place. All the neighbors gathered in the streets and on the sidewalk. They watched as paramedics worked on two bodies. Some cried, other's covered their eyes in disbelief and many stood blank.
I, on the other hand, sat quietly at the dinning room table. My eyes wandered in disbelief. Tears were streaming down my face. Half preoccupied by the passing of police officers, I tried to make sense. I tried to understand; to come to grips with the situation.
The two bodies that laid on the front porch were about twenty feet from me. The smell of dry blood was in the air. Yet, I wasn't scared, not then. The fear came before and after, but, not then.
At that moment in time, a million things rushed through my head. However, nothing mattered more to me in that instant then her. She was my everything; my companion, my care taker, my Mom.
Nine years old, I sat at the dinning room table, speaking to a detective. Twenty feet away my Mom laid in a pool of her own blood. Now, it was up to me to recreate the events for the tall man in the suit.
The local newspapers deemed it; 'A crime of passion'�. The justice system had failed us. I lost my Mother and live with the scene everyday.
In the, not-so-sweet, lyrics between this binding you'll experience what I did. You'll live the same fear, horror and heart break that I did. The events I'll take you through, are based on true events.

Chapter 1

It was early October, right after Mom's twenty-seventh birthday, when she met Richard. He came in to eat at the little, Greek restaurant downtown. At the time, Mom had worked for the restaurant about a year. She had never seen Richard in there before though. Somehow, they hit it off and exchanged phone numbers. By November they were a happy couple.
My Nana, Aunt Sue and I, were excited for the two of them. It had been two years since Mom and David's Father split up. My Mom deserved to be happy. For the last two years, she had been a single mother. Her time was spent with David and I, working or playing softball.
We were all overjoyed when Richard moved in with us in December. He got along well with David and I. He was polite to the rest of my family and he and my Mom acted like a match made in heaven.
In a few short weeks, Richard had all his belongings moved into our three-bedroom apartment on the east side. Once, fully moved in, he began helping my Mom out a lot. He helped with the cooking, dishes and even babysitting David and myself.
On the last day of school, before Christmas break, Richard had picked me up from school. Mom had to work late that night and we were staying with Richard.
When I first arrived home from school, we all went our separate ways. Richard sat down on the couch, removed his boots and turned on football. David, of course, plastered himself to the video games. I decided on quiet time with my dolls.
About half an hour went by before Richard had knocked on my door.
'Alexis, would you and David like to play hide and seek?'� He asked, while entering my room.
'Sure, I'm getting a little bored with my dolls anyways.'�
Even though David was only five, he knew how to play hide and seek. He had played plenty of times with me and my friends. Richard knew this too, so he didn't bother explaining the rules to David. However, he did select David to be 'it'�, which I thought was pretty unfair. My friends and I knew David was the youngest of the crowd, we never made him be 'it'� to start off.
As David took his place in the corner and started to count; 'One, two, three'�.'� Richard looked at me and whispered. 'I know a good hiding spot. One where he'll never find us. Come on.'�
Grabbing my hand, he led me into our large, walk-in closet. There were no lights in the closet and it was very deep. We walked past the coats, scarves and hats that hung. Once we arrived in the very back of the musty closet, we took a seat.
Sitting quietly, I listened with anxiousness, as David continued counting. Richard was sitting quietly too, but began to move about. It was very dark so I couldn't see exactly what he was doing. Then, I felt him touch my hand.
His large, manly hand had grasped mine and placed it between his legs. I felt his warm, erect penis between my fingers. All I could think was 'Oh My Gosh'�. In all my life, I had never touched a penis. Of course, I new what one was. I had seen David's in the bath tub before. However, I never imagined touching one. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to scream. I felt so frightened. What was I to do? Was this normal? Was this even allowed. I was
only nine. I had never seen or felt a man's erect penis.
'Shhh'�'� He whispered. 'This is our secret. Can you keep a secret Alexis?'�
'Yes.'� I was finally able to mutter.
His breathing picked up a little and he even began to moan as he moved my hand about. Soon, his hand was wandering across my body too. He rubbed my leg through my jeans.
Suddenly, something started spurting out of his penis and onto my hand. It both, scared and shocked me. I quickly released his penis.
He didn't seem to mind that I jerked my hand away so fast. Instead, he found a scarf in the closet, wiped the juice off with it and closed up his pants.
Upon our exit, he told David the game was over. Richard said he needed to start dinner then proceeded to the kitchen. As he began pulling veggies and meat from the refrigerator, I headed towards my bedroom.
I shut the door and laid down face first on my bed. Smothering my face into the pillow, the tears began to pour. I couldn't control them. All I know is I didn't understand what had just happened,
but I felt dirty. It was as if, everything I saw in color hurriedly changed to black and white. Wanting my Mother so badly, I curled into a ball and fell asleep.
The smell of the roast lingered in the air when I came to. Even though the aroma was intriguing, I just couldn't bring myself to eat. All I wanted was Mom. Talking to my Mom was the only thing that could make me feel better. When she arrived, and I had told her what Richard had done, she would handle it. She'd know what to do and how to make me feel better.
After finishing his dinner, Richard passed through the living room and stopped for a moment. Looking at me he said; 'Remember Alexis, it's our secret.'� Then he winked and proceeded to the kitchen; walking on his tip toes, as he often did.
I remember how disgusted I felt at that point. He made me feel ashamed and dirty. For that, just the sight of him made my stomach turn. Now, feeling cold and alone I was confused.
'What will he do if I do tell my Mom?'� I thought. 'I wonder if I'll get in trouble. Maybe Mom will be mad at me.'�
At nine years old I did not understand what I had encountered. I was oblivious to the act he had just made me perform and to sex in general. If I couldn't even understand the events that had occurred, how was I suppose to understand the consequences?
When Mom arrived home that evening, you could tell she was groggy from her day .However, she still made time for David and I. After she removed her coat and gloves she welcomed us both with open arms.
'Come here you two. Warm your Mommy up!'� She said with her blue eyes gleaming.
How wonderful it was, that a delicate hug from Mom could make the world disappear. All the
wrong in the world vanished for a moment. But, when it was over, the harshness of reality took it's usual place.
That evening, when Mom tucked me in she sat on the edge of my bed. She told me she loved me and kissed my forehead. In that instant, my secret was on the tip of my tongue. The words were ready to come pouring out. Yet, at the last millisecond, I remembered Richard's smirk. I remembered the look on his face, the evil in his eye. The words quickly retreated.
I kissed my Mom, hugged her and told her 'Good night'�. However, it was one of the worst nights of my life. Sleep was difficult to come by. Instead, I watched the shadows of the trees dance on my walls. Or, I would get startled by lights from the passing cars. All I could think about was Richard, what he made me do. 'Why didn't I just tell my Mom?'� I thought.
I despised feeling this way. I felt naked and ashamed in my own skin. I kept wishing this feeling would go away. Would I eventually feel normal
again? Or was this going to haunt me?

Chapter 2


Christmas came and went as quickly as it always does. It was nice enjoying time with friends and family while it lasted. But, deep down inside; in the pit of my stomach, I had the most uneasy feeling. I still couldn't shake that experience. Rather than suffer the consequences, I kept 'our'� secret locked away tight. Maybe ignoring it would make it go away, or at least I thought.
Richard started making our visits more frequent though. Even when Mom was around he would grope me. When he wasn't in arms reach, or the situation wasn't fitting for touch, he would wink at me. If it wasn't a wink he would blow kisses. His sexual gestures were becoming more and more every day.
There were still a few days left before my Christmas break ended. Considering this, my Mom agreed to let my cousin; Marie, sleep over at our house. Marie was only two years old, but I enjoyed having her around. She was like the little sister I wish I'd had.
We spent most of the evening playing with my new toys. Mom and Richard relaxed the majority of the day. They were trying to recover from the holiday commotion. After the hustle and bustle of the holiday and a long day of entertaining Marie, I was whooped. Eventually, Mom got Marie to agree to watch a movie with me.
We began watching, yet another Christmas movie, after dinner. As soon as Mom put the video in Marie and I grabbed some comfy pillows and blankets. Luckily, Marie agreed to lay next to me on the floor. About fifteen minutes into the movie I began to doze off. I have no idea how long I had been asleep before Richard woke me with a nudge.
'Hey, Alexis? Alexis?'� He had whispered.
Frightened and uneasy, I opened my eyes. Amongst the dark, he must have been able to see that my eyes were open. He began to whisper again.
'Alexis take off your panties.'� Richard had commanded.
Looking around, I observed the scene. Marie was still asleep next to me, but where were Mom and David? Richard hadn't taken our visits this far when Mom was home. I felt so alone. 'What should I do?'�, I kept thinking.
Richard was getting impatient. Rather then wait on me anymore, he started helping himself to me. He grabbed my panties and began tugging at them. My frightened tears began rolling in silence.
What did I do to deserve this? Was Richard punishing me? I hadn't done anything wrong to him. Whenever he asked anything of me I was polite and respectful, just as Mom had taught.
With my panties completely removed, Richard started pleasuring himself. I couldn't see well in the dark, but I could hear his heavy breathing. While fondling his own genitalia, his free hand ran along my body. Touching my less than, budding breasts at the time, his vigorous breathing grew louder.
Suddenly, the living room light popped on and Mom stood in disbelief. With her jaw agape for a moment she quickly turned a shade of red.
'Get the hell away from my daughter!'�, She proclaimed. 'What are you doing? You have a grown woman in the bedroom fifteen feet away, yet your groping my daughter!'� Now Mom was screaming.
Scooping me up, she grabbed my panties and helped me to replace them. The instant they were on, her arms wrapped around me tightly once more. By this time David was awake too.
All the ruckus startled him and woke him from his sleep. Mom, David and I went into her bedroom. I don't think she knew what to say to comfort me, but the way she held me was enough to comfort me.
Momentarily, Richard met us in the bedroom. Grasping a knife in his right hand, he knelt before the three of us on the floor. He begged for my Mother to forgive him while holding the kitchen knife against his left bicep.
'Kelly? Kelly, please? I'm sorry! It won't happen again.'�
'Damn right it won't happen again! I don't want you near me or my children. You are one sick man! She is a child for heaven sakes.'�
'Kelly, I can't be without you. I love you Kelly.'�
'Richard, get your things and get out of my house!'�
'What are you going to do Kelly? Are you
going to call the cops?'�
'Yea, you're right. I will call the cops. I'll make sure you are punished for this.'�
Digging the blade deeply into his arm, it looked as if it would penetrate any second, he began to threaten my Mom.
'If you tell anyone about this I'll kill myself. I'll kill myself and take you with me!'�
Richard's eyes were filled with the most deviating look. I've never seen so much evil in someone's eyes. It was as if the Devil himself stood before us, threatening us, commanding us.
Even Mom, who didn't scare easily, was shaky. She sat, with arms stretched, as if to protect David and I. We were both crying and huddled behind her on the bed.
'Ok, ok Richard. I believe you. I won't tell anyone. Please, just grab your belongings and leave my house.'�
'But, but Kelly, I love you. I can't live without you.'�
'Look, Richard, right now it's late. We've both had a long night. The kids are scared to death. I think it's best if you go to your parent's. We can talk about this tomorrow.'�
Finally agreeing, Richard packed up a few clothing items, his toothbrush and grabbed his keys. As soon as the door closed behind him I felt a weight lift. I felt a little more comfortable without him around.
Mom went to the living room, picked up Marie; who managed to sleep through all the drama, and laid her in Mom's bed. She knew David and I were really worked up. In an attempt to make
us and herself feel better, Mom let us sleep with her
that night.
We didn't get much time away from Richard though. First thing that morning the telephone began ringing. Mom rolled her eyes at the phone as it rang. She had no intention of working things out with Richard. He was very persistent in his attempt though. While he pleadingly dialed our number over and over, we got ready and went to Nana's house.
Once Nana spent sometime with all of us, her and Mom sent us outside to play. While I played hop scotch on the side walk, Mom and Nana discussed the events of the prior evening.
Nana stared in disbelief as Mom recreated the story. Mom explained how shocked and frightened the whole situation had made her. She didn't know how to take Richard's threats.
In Nana's presence, Mom called the police and reported Richard. After speaking with an officer and making out the report, it was deemed that Richard would be facing Gross Sexual Imposition of a Minor charges. Nana advised that Mom stay away from Richard and avoid his phone calls.

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