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Opstaantyd
sodra die son se strale
met ritmiese hale
my voordeur aanklop;
pers berge
geheimsinnig
bo-oor
spottende, smekende skares
verrys
kwyn ek gespanne
bewegingloos
tussen die lakens weg
want
vandag begin die
finale kleedreperisie
vir
oordeelsdag
***
Rise and shine
as the sun's beams
rhythmically beats
at my front door;
purple mountains
mysteriously
over
mocking, pleading crowds
rise
I wilt anxiously
motionless
between the sheets
as
today begins
the final dress rehearsal
for
doomsday
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So good to read your well crafted words once again, Louis, and I'm pleased this is the first one I chose.
Sometimes I read a poem and think to myself that this exactly how I would've written it, line-to-line, therefore it speaks to me loudly...this is one of those moements, man. Your choice descriptions, placement of lines and words, and flow is perfect.
In my opinion the second half, starting at, "I wilt..." could stand alone as its own poem. Overall, top notch writing. |
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Comment by: lsjones - 2006-09-05 21:40
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| This poem is so beautiful and sad. I want to cry and I don't even know why. This is an absolutely amazing piece of work. Please continue to post. |
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Comment by: frani - 2006-09-04 03:28
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Wel gedaan! Dis was verfrissend om 'n ongelooflike gedig in Afr. te lees!
"...die son se strale
met ritmiese hale..."
Baie dankie! |
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| Wonderful stuff Louis! Your writing is of inspirational value to an uninspired poet right about now. - And that's a compliment! |
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Comment by: Min - 2006-09-01 00:18
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| I wonder who the 'mocking, pleading crowd' are? Is it just a reference to people the world over or does it have a more pertinent meaning? You paint an uneasy picture of sunrise and of awakening. |
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