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emmajones
Emma Jones
United Kingdom, Liverpool

Words: 1618
Access: Public
Comments: 2

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Flowers and Bows

They had been at sea for several weeks when the weather had changed. The sky had turned grey and the slight rain that began to fall hardly hinted at the storm to come. For a week the ship had lurched precariously across the the frothing water. People had been killed thrown across the decks of the ship as if they were mere feathers; numerous people were injured and lay writhing in agony where they fell. When the water had started to be taken in all seemed to be lost. The life boats were lowered but they hardly seemed to offer any hope to the people who sat wedged into them.

Heather had seen Jonathan striding across the deck being ushered into one of the life boats. He had turned briefly when she had shouted his name and they had stared into each others eyes. Heather could hardly breathe as he turned listless eyes from her and took his place in a life boat. She had watched as it had been lowered into the water and then in horror as the ropes had snapped and everyone inside had been hurled into the sea. The boat had fallen empty into the waves. Before Heather knew what she was doing her survival instincts kicked into place and she jumped into the waves and somehow managed to scramble into its hold.

As Heather lay prostate against the floor of the boat the night almost seemed to stand still. The cries and shouts grew quieter until all around her all she could hear was the crashing of the waves and the howl of the wind. How long she lay there she could not tell but when she had heard a muffled whine she had looked over the side to see a dog vainly trying to swim as the water dragged him down. Heather grabbed his collar just as he disappeared beneath the waves and somehow managed to drag him into the boat. It was at that point that she had felt the boat move and turning around she had seen Jonathan pulling himself over the side.

The following morning the storm had passed as quickly as it had begun. The sea lapped gently against the side of the boat. The wood creaked and groaned in protest as the water scraped at its planks. The ocean stretched for miles, its vastness difficult to comprehend. The sky was now a deep blue and would have merged as one with the sea if had not been interspersed with thin wispy clouds trailing across its surface. The sun was high in the sky, a yellow smudge shining down on the small white boat as it floated gently beneath its rays. The heat was relentless with not a flicker of a breeze to offer any relief.

The dog seemed to be on sentry duty, it stood staring at the dim and distant horizon, ignoring the two sleeping forms laying on the decks beside him. It was a large dog of no particular breed but it was strong and its muscles were visible beneath its smooth black coat. They rippled as the dog strained forward. . It was alert waiting, sleep would come later. The man and the women were asleep on the decks with the dog between their inert bodies. They hardly moved as the sun beat upon their upturned faces already its rays burning their skin.

Jonathan moved first tentatively trying to find a comfortable position as his body jarred with the hard wood beneath him. He looked to be in his mid thirties and he had a fair pleasant face with thin features and a broken nose that added rather than detracted from his features. You could still see patches of his once pale skin beneath the sunburn and how smooth and unblemished it was; translucent almost. He had fine black hair that hung limply across his brow and his clothes were well cut and expensive. Even with the confines of the boat his overall appearance was one of wealth and luxury.

The women on the other hand seemed unkempt. Her light brown hair was matted, her clothes although clean were creased and torn in places. Her features were also good. Heather had wide eyes and heavy thick eyelashes. Her nose was small and upturned and her mouth was wide, full lipped and sensuous. She had a ruddy complexion but there was a hardness to her face that even in her sleep marred what should have been a beautiful face. Heather too was slowly awakening and she winced and brought her hand to her face as she felt the heat of the sun bearing down on her. Her eyelids flickered and a scowl appeared on her face as she awoke.

Heather shifted as the movements of the man interrupted the gentle rhythm of the boat. Her eyes shot open revealing languid green eyes. Heather stared at the man the scowl quickly replaced by a contemptuous sneer as she focused on his prostate body laying a few feet from her. Slowly the events of the night before and her predicament occurred to her, her emotions playing across her features, pain and loss all too quickly overtaken by anger. The dog moved from his position, looking at the women he sank to her feet, his duties for now were over.

The man slowly awoke and seeing her staring at him asked, 'Are you alright?'? His tone was soft and gentle.
'What do you think?'? Heather answered and he looked away, a blush creeping across his fair skin. His accent was clipped and refined compared to the women's voice. He seemed not to know what to do but felt he must say something.
'I'm sure someone will find us,'? he said eventually, 'we can't be that far from where the ship sank and that's where they'll be looking.'? His voice was pleading but Heather ignored him.
Heather looked at him, eyeing him resentfully. She could think of a dozen men who she would prefer to be with in a predicament like this. Strong men who would take charge, men who Heather could lean on. Men who on the ship she would have sneered at in the same manner she now looked at him. Heather speculated as she gathered her thoughts,what use to her was a man like this in these circumstances? Heather was a survivor, she had had to be in the environment she was born in to. Already she was weighing up the pros and the cons of the situation as he spoke.

He looked at her through half closed eyes. He was not used to women talking to him in this manner, especially women like her. Normally they would be grateful for anything he cared to throw their way and this one even more so. He noticed for the first time how tough she was. She exuded an energy that he had never been aware of before. His wealth and position counted for nothing here. Trapped in this boat with her Heather seemed vital and alive whereas he felt for the first time in his life vulnerable and afraid. He knew he had acted selfishly the night before. Part of him had convinced himself that Heather would be alright whilst he had scrambled in to the last remaining life raft. But he knew that really all he had cared about was his own neck and for the first time in his life he was faced with a sickening knowledge of his own character.

He spoke to her once more trying to rid her of the expression that seemed to chill the very essence of his soul. 'I swear to God I tried to find you!'? The image of her flashed in to his mind of her standing alone, bereft on the decks as he had turned away to take his place on the boat. Heather looked intently in to his pale insipid eyes, and he winced at her look. Once Heather had looked at him with tenderness and warmth. Once those green eyes had flashed passionately at him and that mouth had invited his kisses. He remembered the first time he had seen her leaning against the rails with her hair flying in the wind. He knew then that she would be his for the taking, money after all could buy you most things and he knew instinctively she would have her price. He had laughed with his friends about his latest conquest the girl from steerage who would be a slight diversion on the crossing over.

Heather's voice cut in to his thoughts sharply,'Look if you think for one moment you can hood wink me into believing you you're wasting your breath!'?
He turned sharply around facing her for the first time since they had awoken, 'You horrible slut just...'? He went to continue but the dog growled, baring his teeth and the hairs on the back of the dog's neck stood on end. He glared at the man daring him to move. Jonathan lowered his voice, 'It's just that I thought we had something special.'?
'That special that I couldn't join you and your cronies on this very boat!'? Heather lowered her voice and looking deep into his eyes said, 'I suppose it makes you feel better trying to wrap our seedy little arrangement in flowers and bows but I always knew it for what it was and so did you!'?
Tears stood out in his eyes. The dog looked away its hackles down. The sea lapped gently. Heather looked out across the enormity of the ocean a single tear falling from her eye.

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Comments  
emmajones Comment by: emmajones - 2006-09-05 08:50
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point taken I haven't paid too much attention to the grammar so I'm glad of your input. I'll have to read my stories a tad more carefully in the future but that's the good thing about this site there's people to point you in the right direction. It seems I've a fascination with the word 'had'.
digs Comment by: digs Online- 2006-09-05 08:19
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Hi, Emma

I thought this was a great idea for a story: the betrayal of the woman in the 'seedy' relationship with the man. One main query:

I was distracted by your use of a tense that is known as the past perfect. This is the construction: had/hadnâ??t been/eaten/turned etc. The normal use of this structure is when weâ??re already thinking about a past time eg when I saw her, and we want to go back to a past time earlier than that eg I had been there for 20 minutes. If there is no good reason to indicate this earlier past, we donâ??t normally use the past perfect.

In your first two paras there seem to be a number of instances of this tense which were questionable:

They had been at sea for several weeks when the weather had changed.
They had been at sea for several weeks when the weather changed.
(â??When the weather changedâ?? is the past time weâ??re thinking of; â??they had been at sea for several weeksâ?? relates to an earlier past.)

From now on weâ??re thinking about the past time â??when the weather changedâ??, so:

The sky had turned grey and the slight rain that began to fall hardly hinted at the storm to come.
The sky turned grey and the slight rain that began to fall hardly hinted at the storm to come.

For a week the ship had lurched precariously across the the frothing water.
For a week the ship lurched precariously across the [also cut the extra 'the'] frothing water.

People had been killed thrown across the decks of the ship as if they were mere feathers;
People were killed [also punctuation needed here to break this] - thrown across the decks of the ship as if they were mere feathers;

When the water had started to be taken in all seemed to be lost.
When the water started to be taken in all seemed to be lost.

Heather had seen Jonathan striding across the deck being ushered into one of the life boats.
Heather saw Jonathan striding across the deck being ushered into one of the life boats.

He had turned briefly when she had shouted his name and they had stared into each others eyes.
He turned briefly when she shouted his name and they stared into each others eyes.

She had watched as it had been lowered into the water and then in horror as the ropes had snapped and everyone inside had been hurled into the sea.
She watched as it was lowered into the water and then in horror as the ropes snapped and everyone inside was hurled into the sea.

The boat had fallen empty into the waves.
The boat fell empty into the waves.

All the best

Digby
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