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In Denial
What is it I dont have
That you want so bad?
Im lost in translation
Unable to comprehend my
Current and final situation
I keep misplacin' the motives
That keep my life moving.
Slowly, Im falling apart.
One day at a time
I notice complications
In my every day frustrations
and im Traveling in
a downward spiral
Severing communication
All the while, Im in denial.
Standing in line
Single file
As my problems
Decompile
Faced with death
Unable to smile
Sedate me, rape me
I'm in denial.
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Comment by: - 2005-10-19 04:39
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I enjoyed the rhyme scheme in this. It allowed me to fly through the text. It reminded me of Nick Cave's lyrics, and I imagined his sonorous voice reading your lines. Very effective.
I would lose the word 'slowly' from the first line of the second stanza. It spoils the rhythm and doesn't add enough to the poem to justify doing that.
I look forward to reading more of your work.
xx Sian |
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Comment by: - 2005-10-12 01:29
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| Nice work, you pretty much placed me in my current mood, didn't do anything for me with regards to shifting my mind to happy thoughts, but at least I feel less alone. |
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| I am not very good with poetry, i did enjoy it but I always find it hard to comment on, my own issue there I know. But asside from being lame and saying I 'enjoyed' it, I did want to say that I was intrigued after reading you bio and wanted to get a taste, but I am really after a short story...??? |
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"34thParallel Premiere"
Premiere issue of 34thParallel, a magazine featuring short fiction, poetry, photography and art, insightful interviews with emerging writers and artists. Contributors include over 25 writers and poets from all over the world--Black & White edition. Cover photo Chris Niesmertelny.
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