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| You've described all our hopes and dreams in one poem. LOVELY |
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Comment by: Train99 - 2008-01-12 15:02
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| My goodness...I was sucked in after the first few lines...I read it like three times after that...it is so well written and has so much emotion that it is impossible not to want to read it over and over...great job...I am new to this site and I have already been impressed by so many poems and this one is one of my favs... |
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Those first few words into the first stnza had me in to read the rest of lines... Well versed...
GYM |
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Comment by: Khema - 2007-11-11 18:15
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| Thank you :) Sites such as these often serve as ego infusers or defusers. I am looking for real criticism and can handle the harsh stuff if need be. I also realize we can't please everyone, just as in music with its many varied tastes, what stimulates the mindscape is always very personal. nonetheless I appreciate all your comments and take them all to heart. Thank you for this community - I've missed it. Maybe I'll hang out here a little more - it's been a while :) |
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This piece is so deep and penetrating. I like how it slows the reader down. It's impossible to skim through it. Each line makes one think. Well done.
The only down side is the adverb in the 3rd line of the last stanza. I'd toss it out. "Just" adds nothing to the piece but clutter. |
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