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The First Chance
The first chance that never came
Hopes and dreams that could never be
Our love for each other that grew
But was never able to be realized
It was the first chance that never came
That we both prayed for, for so long
But we were never given a break
Life's cruelty dealing a heavy hand
The first chance that never came has,
At times, made me stop to wonder
What if??? Why not us
Why couldn't we be happy together?
But the first chance that never came
Only proved to be our demise
There could be no relationship, no hope
For a future of joy between our hearts
Our first chance that never came
Could have given us everything we wanted
Our love was already there,
But to live in that love for the rest of our lives
The first chance that never came,
Isn't that all we wanted?
All we asked for? How is that so hard?
Did we not deserve it?
It was the first chance that never came
Our only chance that never came
And now I'm stuck here,
Praying for you as you move on
I wish you all the happiness you so deserve
With thoughts from Evanescence's Anywhere and My Immortal'Šthank you for reading.
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| Hauntingly beautiful words - the exact words that are in my heart - you write with true depth and emotion - Deborah |
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Who isn't inspired by Evanescense? I know I am; especially 'My Immortal'. =) I loved the bittersweet theme of this piece; truly a sad, beautiful poem. Good job and thanks for an enjoyable read,
-RLT |
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Hey babe, I think this is a very touching poem. I think many of us feel as though we missed a chance, and were unable to take it. Love, it's in us to give, and yet, sometimes the best chance passes by. I have a feeling you don't really want help with this poem, but in the end, you'll do what you want anyway. ;-)
These are my suggestions... :-)
I think the first line on the first 3 stanzas should be the same-
'The first chance that never came' because the following lines flow nicely after. I agree that 'What if???' needs only one question mark, and add one after 'Why not us.'
Stanza 4 is perfect to begin the finalization to the poem, 'But the first chance that never came.' The first lines on the last 3 stanzas, I think should match the first ones...'The first chance that never came.' Better flow, I think.
I also agree that removing the last line will actually give the poem more impact. Have I confused you yet? lol Other then that, it's a lovely poem.
smooches and ass taps ;-)
Bon |
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I agree with Teri- end with "Praying for you as you move on." and add some punctuation for stops. Otherwise, very beautiful. I really liked it.
Yvy |
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Comment by: Teri - 2006-09-28 15:46
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What if??? - one question mark says more than three :)
Why not us - take one of those discarded question marks and use it here. lol
It was the first chance that never came
That we both prayed for, for so long - something for which we prayed so long (or something like that) - otherwise, it's awkward when you read it out loud
All we asked for? - I'd get rid of the "for"
And the last line I'd cut out completely. IMO, the poem ended on "Praying for you as you move on".
I'd also go back and add full stops when necessary because you have some punctuation, and the lack of full stops makes it a little too jumpy.
Strong emotion and feeling. Nice work overall.
Hope this helps, Robert. :) T. xo |
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