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ShatteredDreamer
Tash .
United Kingdom

Words: 157
Access: Public
Comments: 2

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Silhouette By the Sea

I see her,
In her perfection,
I hear the rush and roar of (the sea) her soul,
(As she sits in the sunset)
Silhouette by the sea.

She's crying,
The drops stain the pure sand,
Bitter
Her feet dangle between the rights
(and the wrongs)

And as the sun sets
(and the waves roll)
Salty sea breeze floating in perfect harmony,
The crimson sky illuminates the roaring waves,
Her salty tears drown the sand.

She's been told
The world is black
Changed by the world
Her heart is black, her heart is stone
(it's dying, it's dying)
The sea whispers to her

And it's perfect,
In death and life and hope,
She comes to the sea to dream and cry,
And the sea listens,
(talks back)
and...
I see her,
In her perfection,
I hear the rush and roar of her soul
(As she sits in the sunset)
Silhouette by the sea.

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Comments  
jjsmith Comment by: jjsmith - 2006-10-21 04:50
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you see?
youve got an ajsmith in the brackets club
and now youve got a jjsmith
AJSmith Comment by: AJSmith - 2006-09-06 02:06
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Hi

Enjoyed this one. The rhythm and structure was really good, and the brackets worked really well as asides, and didn't break up the rhythm as they sometimes can. Good imagery, silhouette repetition was good and poignant. Slight cliche with her speaking to the sea and the sea talking back, but it's something that happens so is unavoidable.

Overall, evocative, easy to visualise, and melancholic.
1

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By ShatteredDreamer

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