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The Quatdanian - Dreams/chapter 1
The Quatdanian
By: Stephen Nardi III
Dreams
Kyle couldn't sleep for that past week. School was tough, his parents went on some business trip, and his girlfriend had just cut ties. Kyle was your typical 17 year old guy. He liked to make friends, do kind things, and flirt with the girls. With all that stress; however, he just couldn't get organized. His friend Tiffany, his best friend since he could remember (also the girl he stayed with when his parents were away), had been worried about him.
She noticed his darkened eyes and clumsy walk. She had been afraid to talk to him about it, but in his worsened condition she decided to talk to him.
After school, Tiffany's parents asked how their day had been and they both responded with a 'fine.'� They went upstairs and Tiffany grabbed Kyle's hand. Kyle looked at her with troubled eyes and she said:
'What's wrong, Kyle, you haven't been yourself lately, and you look like you haven't slept in days '�
'I... I've been having these really weird dreams.'�
'What do you mean?'�
'Nothing. Just leave it alone it doesn't make sense anyway.'�
'But...'�
'Please leave it alone.'�
The conversation ended there as Kyle walked downstairs for dinner. Tiffany sat there for a moment and wondered what in the world had gotten in to him. He had been changing for a while but now whatever this was, was tearing him apart. She got up and went to dinner as well, and ate quietly next to kyle.
After dinner, Kyle just went straight to bed no word to anyone. That's when his dreams came again. In his dream, he was seeing through the eyes of a child. He could see another kid asleep next to him. When he looked at the kid the dream went black and appeared again. This time the child's eyes could see a lion in the distance and a man with cat ears, claws, and hairy arms carrying him to what was a very foggy airport. As the door of the plane shut, the child screamed 'Daddy '� and the door closed.
Kyle awoke; sweat dripped from his dark hair. Tiffany's parents were unfortunately poor and couldn't afford central air to cool the house. Kyle sat up and wiped the sweat from his face. He didn't know why but he had a strange feeling to talk to Tiffany's cat, Snowball, who was curled near his closet. He bent down and looked at the tiny ball of white fur and thought he was losing his mind when he said 'Hi'� to it as if it could make normal conversation. Kyle wasn't prepared for; however, the cat to say 'Hi'� back.
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Comment by: gmarco - 2007-08-26 16:26
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Tiffanyâ??s parents were unfortunately poor and also dead, (term used for non-magical beings), humans like him so they didnâ??t possess the magic to cool the house down.
> OK, I now get what you are saying here, but it doesn't seem to fit with the rest of the piece thus far. When we see the cat talk at the end, it's suprising and our first introduction into the idea that things might not be what they seem. With this comment and exposition about Tiffany's parents, I feel as though these ideas are being improperly rushed upon the reader. |
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Comment by: gmarco - 2007-08-26 15:49
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His friend Tiffany Roseburst, his best friend since he could remember also the girl he stayed with when his parents were away, had been worried about him.
>This structure has a little bit of oddness to it. Here's a little suggestion;
>His friend Tiffany, his best friend since he could remember (also the girl he stayed with when his parents were away), had been worried about him.
she decided to talk to him (after school that day).
(After school), Tiffanyâ??s parents asked how their day had been
>back-to-back phrases like this can trip up readers. Thankfully, they are easily avoidable.
...she decided to talk to him.
After school, Tiffanyâ??s parents asked how their day had been...
They went (up stairs)
>upstairs
Tiffanyâ??s parents were unfortunately poor and also dead (non-magical) humans like him so they didnâ??t possess the magic to cool the house down.
>This confused me quite a bit. I'm not sure what you're saying. |
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I know I made a comment for this story before- but it was deleted due to the site being updated. I'll try my best to make it be similar to my old comment.
I thnk your story so far is great! Just a few errors here and there (like a word is missing or spelling error). Other then that though, it was great. I am beginning to wonder if this is an Magical type of story or more into another section- like Anime related. Hope you update really soon! You're not to be bad for putting this story in English though! ^_^
Whenever you have the chance- read my story please! Thank you! |
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