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| Thanks Pandora :) I've changed that to the and yep it does sound better! But I think I'll keep the 2nd part as it is, it just flows better in my mind hehe plus it keeps the heartbreak as open as it is as heartbreak in love can be caused by so many things. muah! thanks for sweet comments! |
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Comment by: PANDORA - 2008-06-06 10:29
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I really, really liked the idea of this poem. I think you have explained the unexplainable. This is a feeling I have tried to capture time and again with no luck. You have also done it without overwriting which is what I do every time.
Just a few suggestions:
I would add punctuation.
“That moment you met you knew” – change “that” to “the” to be in the same tense
“Yet despite the heartbreak” – “Despite the certain heartbreak”
This goes on my bookshelf.** |
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Comment by: Aria - 2008-05-23 13:33
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| I like this version as well. And the ending is so sweet. I know it is how I feel. Thanks again for putting another smile on my face. As a poet, that is one thing I think we strive for, to make our readers feel. And I feel a lot with this piece. :) |
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Comment by: jgilgun - 2008-03-13 06:35
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Good job and congratulations on your publishing success!!! I love your photo. I will look at some of your writing. Check out my at http://www.lulu.com/content/1151441. It's called On Being a Shit: Unkind Deeds and Cover-Ups in Everyday Life. If you have ideas for marketing it, I'd love to hear them.
Keep up the good work. I like your energy |
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Oh yeah. Something to say. A bit of honesty. Nicely done.
Was there a mutual magical momentary link? Or just infatuation and formless obsession? Infatuation means it isn't yours. A spark of link means maybe and some choices to be made. |
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