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Comment by: PANDORA - 2006-09-23 11:22
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I wonder what people would choose if they had just one wish?
I know many would go for fame, money, power...but I think we would be suprised how many would wish for things that benifit others than themselves.
Great poem about wanting something so much there is nothing left to do but wish.** |
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Comment by: - 2006-09-22 07:39
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this is good and I like the line that you put in better than the one that you were going to put in good job!
~Princess Padge |
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Comment by: yican - 2006-09-21 23:23
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Very sweet and poignant. I'll say stick with the original line. It has a nice sound and rhyme to the other lines.
"if wishes were true
Iā??d wish you're not far
as far as I am
from a faded star"
Love this one especially!
Rie |
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| true. honestly that line took the longest to get. 100% forced. I'm going to change it back to the original line and oops you caught my u :D I'm too fond of shortcuts! |
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Comment by: Teri - 2006-09-11 19:45
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Adorable, Ida! My only suggestions would be first, to change the line "and my heart confine" as it's the only rhyme that sounds forced.
The other would be to spell out the word "you" in the penultimate line. Up until that point, it had a very deep and emotional feel to it. When I read that, it gave it a bit of a high school/teenage crush flavor, and it didn't go with the rest of the mature beauty in the poem. JMO. :) Again, very cute and rather whimsical. |
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