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4:17 AM
I sit, and eat
20-cent noodles,
and drink 12-cent Kool-Aid,
saturated with sugar
and neither tastes good
just salt and sugar and chemicals:
but it's cheap and unimportant
and I'm used to dealing with
those types of things.
Even delicious food
is stale and nauseating
these days
and the cheap stuff keeps me alive
and I haven't eaten anything
that can ruin the post-meal smoke yet, so
I sit, and eat,
and wait to be moved in one direction
or another.
I drift here and there
flashing back to the first time
I stole a pack of cigarettes
and girls who thought they loved me
at 17 years old
And I think that when I die,
there will be people who think
that they knew some part of me
and they'll cling to it
and try to convince themselves
they were the only people
that really knew the real me
And I'll lie dead in the ground
with no obligation to anyone
and I'll die
the only one knowing
the things I've seen
but you shouldn't worry
those things
are cheap
and unimportant
and you of all people should know
by now.
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Comment by: Juan2 - 2007-10-04 21:50
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Great from the title down, it speaks of a life of nothing (what kind of time is 4:17am anyway, nobody does anything at that hour?) that appears meaningless, but beneath the surface of your words there is some substance. Much like the sugary kool-aid you speak of, it is something simple to survive on... sort of a statement for the voice's(poet's) life. Nothing fancy, just there, waiting to be moved.
The line breaks are good, they lead in one direction, then spout off in a slightly different one. Keeps the readers on our toes. Really liked the line:
"and girls who thought they loved me
at 17 years old" - ain't that the truth.
I also like how it circles back upon itself about things cheap and unimportant. Almost makes it easy to bunch this poem into that category, but a closer look tells that this connects at a different level. Not Top Ramen, this reads more like a hearty meat n' potatoes kinda meal.
happy writings. |
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| put the pipe down. |
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Ha! I have absolutely no talent in the field of poetry, but I do (like every member of my family) have the amazing power to filter out bull-shit visually. That's why I can't watch television anymore, and why myspace appears blank.
The point is I like this poem, and as a 17 year old who knows for a fact that if/when I die there will be many people will come out of the woodwork who claim to have known me, who may have wanted to know me, but didn't.
When that day comes It wont matter. I know for a fact that there will be a proud hand-full of people who will have known me, and their lives will be less rich with my absence. |
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Comment by: jakrebs - 2006-09-27 15:50
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| Dude, first let me say every time I see your pic I start laughing my ass off. Now secondly, your poem. Found interesting the transition from the 2nd to 3rd stanza, and the 3rd stanza is great. I'm a fan of "clear" poetic writing. Needless to say I liked the poem. |
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| This is good, seems to be heavily influenced by the likes of Bukowski's voice, though, compared to some of your other stuff I've read. |
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