The following is the epic poem of how,
Sir Apple was slain by a cow.

T'all started on a windless autumn day,
Night was nearing, the sky turned gray.
A noise tiptoed into sir Apple's ear,
T'was the graceful footfall of a deer.

The gallant knight sensed his services were of need,
And galloped forward with full speed.
Oh yes, the animal was in pain!
It was being attacked, by a crane.

Apple quickly charged ahead,
And while coming near he said:
'Thou evil bird, let him be,
Or my sword shall sting you, like a bee.'�

Upon hearing this, the bird got scared,
As the valiant fruit flared,
Driving the fiend back to the trees,
Yet scratching on a branch, his tender knees.

His scream was heard by a passing fence,
Who hereupon, two minutes hence,
Told the police, in a rush,
Of the screech he heard, from behind the bush.

The cops advanced, with drawn cucumber,
Into the dense field of lumber.
There they found sir Apple crying,
And the deer, gently lullabying.

Cause' for him his knees, were a great deal,
His weak spots, like Achilles' heel.
For Apple, otherwise always strong, never weak,
Now had a tear, running down his cheek.

To the hospital, the fruit was brought,
And the nurse told him, to worry not.
He probably needn't be operated,
For his legs, were but slightly scathed.

Apple partook this news with great glee,
He needn't fear, for his left knee.
Still he was brought to a hospital room,
Where also lay, a whale and a broom.

The broom had nearly been broken atwo,
And the whale was puking, a yellow goo.
Nevertheless Whale and Apple became comrades,
And made offending jokes about Brooms' low schoolgrades.

Then the broom got terribly depressed,
And Apple's conscience was put to a test.
But then he ran away because he didn't want to apologize,
So he flew away, into the blue skies.

He flew home very fast,
And when he arrived there at last.
His wife asked in a sharp tone.
'Why didn't you answer your mobile phone?'�

For she had called two hours ago,
Because she really wanted to know.
If a fish runs faster then a horse.
What a silly question, the mammal of course!

But the apple was saved by a cup of tea,
Who in vain had tried to break free,
From the cage which held it fast.
And the wife stormed t'wards it with a blast.

And started screaming at the poor drink,
Who now seemed to shrink.
The Apple however sneaked to the door with in his step a sway,
Yet somehow he managed to get away.

As sir Apple strolled towards the park,
It was already getting dark.
He wondered where he might,
Drink some tea, and spend the night.

But suddenly he saw the whale,
In his hand a bottle of ale.
For the whale had followed a whim,
And had carefully followed him.

The whale, to Apples' great surprise,
Had, always smart and wise,
Forgiven him his honourless run,
Because he thought, it was kind of fun.

The broom crying on the floor,
And the apple running t'wards the door.
They drank the ale, with much pleasure,
For for 5 dollars Whale had bought this treasure.

But then they suddenly heard a noise,
T'was the yelling of two boys.
They were taunting a duck with broken bones,
With some sticks and some stones.

Brave sir Apple had to fulfill his duty,
Even if the duck wasn't a beauty,
So he advanced on the kids with drawn sword,
While Whale was drunk, and very bored.

The boys cried out, in rage and fear,
For they sensed their end was near.
At the swords touch they vaporised into thin air,
Leaving nothing but some hair.

Now the danger had been banished,
The dang'rous ones, simply vanished,
But the duck was still very sad,
Because his legs, looked pretty bad.

Luckily, Whale had followed a course of first aid,
Thus in three minutes a bandage was made.
Now everyone was happy again,
And most of all the irish men.

They were dancing, they were springing,
And with hollow voice they were singing.
Because they felt so good,
And the whole world had a happy mood.

Even Whale and Apple were dancing around,
With the joy they newly found.
Then they decided to go on vacation,
So they took a train and left the nation.

As they arrived in Cairo,
On their journey, to and fro,
They loved the city and were in awe,
Because of the pretty girls they saw.

And whale couldn't believe his eyes,
As he saw the sultans' golden ties.
While the sultan neared he tried to steal one,
But the bodyguards thought it wasn't fun.

And our poor friend was thrown in prison,
A place of pain, and of bison.
While chewing on a bisons' bone,
He dreamt about the sultans throne.

Apple sighed and was frustrated,
But untill twelve he silently waited.
Then he charged the prison wall,
Bringing the bricks to a fall.

The prisoners were now released,
And they were having a huge feast,
With our brave apple as special guest,
Although he just wanted to have a rest.

After this annoying incident,
Apple was napping in his tent,
When he got attacked by a guard,
Who happened to be, the prison ward.

They fought a brave and heavy duell,
But in the end, the guardian fell,
He was reduced to a pile of rubble,
And Apple wanted to leave behind all the trouble.

Thus our friends travelled to Babel,
'Cause they heard the tower there was swell.
They went by train, they went by boat,
And a short part on a goat.

But on their way they confused a line,
And ended up in Palestine.
There they didn't want to take a chance,
So with the next boat, they went to France

There they met a young boy,
Who was crying, 'cause he broke his toy,
Sir Apple, red as a rose,
Bought the boy, a new nose.

The boy was happy and stopped crying,
And suddenly Whale detected, flying,
A man, clad in yellow,
Under his arm, a huge marshmellow.

This reminded our friends of their near starvation,
So they searched, for a delicious sensation.
Soon they had found a restaurant,
Where they both took delight, in a delicious brant.

After their dinner, they had luck,
They could ride to Spain with a passing truck.
But on their way they had to stop,
Because Whale wanted to flirt, with a good-looking mop.

But out of that reason they arrived too late,
And Spain had just closed it's gate.
The truckdriver was furious at them,
But Apple tried his luck, with a soothing hum.

Instantly the driver fell asleep,
He slept well, he slept deep.
And while he slept Apple sneaked away,
Because he hadn't planned to stay.

But they didn't know,
Where exactly they wanted to go.
So they decided to ask the oracle for a good place,
For she knew every land, and every race.

Over mountains and over seas,
Over dead friends and dead enemies.
They travelled here and there, to and fro,
A thousand miles, to ask the oracle where to go.

But as they arrived at her door,
To their shock they heard that she was no more.
Five days ago she had deceased,
While Apple and Whale were trav'ling in the east.

Unhappy they now went home,
Apple, Whale and Gnome,
Why he accompanied them now no one knew,
But who cares? He cooked delicious stew.

On their long way back,
They saw a small shack,
Where they rested for a while,
They didn't know, that in a mile;

A madman had just broken free,
From his cage and his misery.
But luckily he walked the other direction,
And stayed clear of the shacks' section.

The next morning they had a turtle for lunch,
The shell gave the food some extra crunch.
After that they were on their way again,
But you'll never guess what happened then.

In the middle of the road,
Lay a purple speckeled toad.
He had five legs, and six feet,
And was resistant, to greater heat.

The three dudes, stared in wonder,
And the gnome began to ponder.
'Why god, why? This isn't fair,
Oh how I wish, I had more hair.'�

While the toad sat still and waited,
Our three friends heavily debated.
Was it's evolution natural?
Or was he created by a higher will?

But suddenly something else caught their attention,
Something I barely bear to mention.
A tree sprang in their way,
And halting them, began to say;

'Hast one of thee seen my bike?
For if I don't find it I must hike.
I must travel many a mile,
Through these lands so evil and vile.'�

Now our friends felt really bad,
Because unfortunately, no on had.
'Where, oh where, could it be?'�
Cried the horrified tree.

The four of them searched far and wide,
Wondering where a bike could eas'ly hide.
But that they found it, wasn't the case,
The bicycle had disappeared, leaving not a trace.

The not-finding depressed them a good deal,
Where was the vehicle, with more then one wheel?
Sir Apple was searching for it on his own,
And from sadness he let out a moan.

But oh no, but oh woe, what happened now?
From the heavens, fell a cow,
It landed on sir Apples' head,
And oh how tragic, he was dead.

Brave sir Apple had to die,
Poor sir Apple, why oh why?
Brave sir Apple passed away,
T'was so sad, so sad a day.

Brave sir Apple was killed by a cow,
Poor sir Apple, he's dead now.

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