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silent touch
I sit here in the
still of the night
writing on my
computer,
I gently rock myself
back and forth,
back and forth,
Sometimes closing
my eyes,
without complete
recognition...
I awake
from my moment
and realize,
you have been here.
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Comment by: menoh - 2006-09-23 09:56
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| this piece is haunting, describes how i feel sometimes, and you capture with such simplicity, but such depth |
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Comment by: suleem - 2006-09-17 11:50
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| it is simple in its language yet it is beautiful in its content. |
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Comment by: Min - 2006-09-16 06:16
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| Lost in your work to the extent that nothing intrudes. I like that. |
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| Finally...was really jonesing for some of that good stuff, and you cam through with a charming little piece. Simple as it may be, each stanza flows into the next one nicely, telling a cool little story, with a killer last stanza. Really glad that you posted this one. |
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Comment by: Teri - 2006-09-16 05:45
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Hi, Jodi,
Nice to see another poem from you! Very beautiful and from the heart. My only suggestion would be to get rid of the word "that" from the penultimate line. If you read it out loud, you can hear the difference, and IMO, it would make the end a little more poignant.
I love the emotion you express: loneliness and then a feeling of completeness. Or at least that's what I'm getting from your poem. In other words, the person you love doesn't have to physically be there; their presence is felt and believed because of the depth of feeling you have for them. I may be off base, so apologies if I'm wrong.
Lovely work and so beautifully expressed. Thanks for sharing. T. xo |
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